[Show Theme – Intro]
ALEX
Hello again and welcome to episode 8 of the Rusty Quill Gaming podcast! I’m your host and GM Alex Newall and wiz me… (beat) wiz me?
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
Wizard – wizard me –
JAMES
Whoosh!
[LAUGHTER]
ALEX
With me as ever I have:
LYDIA
Lydia Nicholas.
BEN
Ben Meredith.
BRYN
Bryn Monroe.
JAMES
James Ross.
ALEX
And who are you playing?
LYDIA
I’m playing an awkward rogue, “stab first, ask questions never.”
ALEX
Called?
LYDIA
Sasha Racket. Sorry – I told you she was awkward!
[PLAYERS CACKLE]
It’s not autobiographical at all.
BEN
(like a superhero name) Zolf Smith, Smelly Cleric.
[MORE LAUGHTER]
BRYN
Hamid, the halfling sorcerer.
JAMES
Sir Bertrand “Bertie” MacGuffingham, the nemesis of all tables.
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
Cool! And the last thing that happened is, you guys had managed to basically head down into the sewers, having followed… the bombers, we’ll call them. You found yourself a chunk of Simulacrum in a big basin of (delicately) excrement, and Zolf, in a fit of foolhardy bravery, decided to fetch another one!
BEN
(laughing) From a Wisdom 18 character!
ALEX
Oh yeah!
BEN
Really roleplaying my stats there.
ALEX
Yeah yeah, went for a quick swim, went for a longer swim than he anticipated, ended up in a brief lake of – (beat) yep – and then got hauled back up by everyone with the help of Hamid. So, last thing that happened is you guys dumped a lump of something on the side of the sewer.
[FAINT WATER NOISES SET IN]
BEN
Yes, the last thing that happened is I want to be cleaned.
BRYN
The first thing I do is cast Prestidigitation. I use it to clean Zolf –
BEN
Oh, thank goodness.
BRYN
– to clean myself, and to clean the strange device.
ALEX
Alright. You, er, faff, we have another blizzard of hankies – that’s got to be a spell.
EVERYONE
A Blizzard of Hankies.
ALEX
A Blizzard of Hankies. And nonetheless, you finish with your blizzard and expose… the head!
[LYDIA GASPS]
Of the Simulacrum. It appears to have been torn from the neck.
LYDIA
Can I do a Perception check – can we all – to see if it would react, and try and maybe…
BEN
Poke it in the eye!
JAMES
I’m going to try talking to it before anybody sees whether it’s alive or not, because I think that’s the sort of thing that my character would do?
ALEX
Okay.
BERTIE
Hello, hello. Metal person! Hello!
JAMES
I’ll start tapping it on the head.
BERTIE
Knock knock. Anyone in? Aaaanyone in?
JAMES
And I’ll open, try and open an eye?
ALEX
Uh-huh.
JAMES
And go –
BERTIE
Hello, hello.
ALEX
The eye looks like it has been shattered. Like the actual eye – it looks like it’s made of glass or some kind of gem or something. I mean, you’re no expert, but it certainly looks like it has cracked and been punched or hit or something. It’s basically imploded, the eye that you lift up.
BERTIE
Oh! Right, well, sorry about that.
JAMES
Close that one, open the other one.
BERTIE
Hello! Hello.
ALEX
There’s an eye there that’s dull and unmoving.
JAMES
Mm.
[BEAT]
HAMID
I think the most important question at this point is, are there going to be any other pieces of it down in that big lake in the vault?
ZOLF
I didn’t notice any more, but to be honest I wasn’t really paying attention.
HAMID
(overlapping) It’s quite big, do you think we can ascertain?
SASHA
I think that sounds more like, I was going to say, if we took this to the City Guard. They could drain the lake. Because that sounds like something you need a lot of people, who are gross, to do that.
BERTIE
Yes, delegating! I think it’s the first task of leadership, is learning when to delegate.
ZOLF
Well, I actually think the bigger question is – why did they do that? Now they obviously weren’t trying to steal the Simulacrum for – being a Simulacrum, so was there some kind of maybe magical engine? Or did they just want to destroy it?
HAMID
Well, it’s full of precious materials, but…
ZOLF
But why throw bits away?
HAMID
To travel more easily? I mean, we’re going to struggle to carry these, aren’t we?
ZOLF
True.
HAMID
Do we need to keep following the trail, or, remember, just around that corner there was a…
SASHA
There was a massive door.
HAMID
Big bolted door.
ZOLF
Mm.
SASHA
How about –
ZOLF
Should we –
SASHA
I can look in at the door?
ZOLF
– probably scout, see what’s going on.
HAMID
Check it for the traps, remember, that manhole was a trap.
SASHA
Yep. Yeah, I’ll do that.
HAMID
You probably knew that, sorry.
[SASHA STAMMERS FOR AN EXTENSIVE PERIOD]
ZOLF
(putting Sasha out of her misery) That’s nice. Do what you do, do what you do.
SASHA
(awkwardness physically painful) Okay.
[SNICKERS]
LYDIA
I’ll awkwardly go to the door.
ALEX
You get to the end and you get to that door, that looks like it has been sheared or something?
LYDIA
Checking it for traps.
ALEX
Give me a Perception roll.
[DICE ROLLS]
BRYN
That was nine.
ALEX
Nine plus your Perception of –
LYDIA
– is six.
ALEX
Fifteen? You see another tripwire.
LYDIA
(softly) Ooh!
ALEX
The door is slightly ajar, and this tripwire is very, very narrow, but it seems to be a similar setup as the first one.
JAMES
We’re all behind you at this point, along the corridor, and I’m carrying the head presumably because nobody else is –
LYDIA
I – I gesture to stay back, silently, assuming that you understand the downward sort of…
JAMES
I’m carrying the head, I’m thinking I’m going to have a go at a bit of a ventriloquist’s act.
[PLAYERS SNORT]
BEN
And I’m going to put my clothes back on.
JAMES
Yeah.
[ALEX CACKLES AT THE REMINDER]
BEN
I was in me undercrackers and my dolphin, and that was all I was wearing, so.
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
Bottle of beer, bottle of beer! Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba baaaa.
ZOLF
What are you doing, Bertie?
BERTIE
Can any of you chaps get the head talking?
HAMID
(patient) No, we’ll deal with that later.
LYDIA
I am gonna Disable Device.
ALEX
Yeah, sure, give me the roll.
[DICE ROLLS]
LYDIA
So 8. Plus 7, so 15.
ALEX
Fifteen? Again, yeah, you have a bit more trouble with this one, but as before, same – it’s ultimately – it’s the same mechanism, it’s just a bit more fiddly because it’s a much narrower space for you to reach and sort it. But yeah, you manage to hold the tripwire, snip the wire, reach in. And unfortunately you don’t manage to, sort of salvage the whole thing?
LYDIA
Aww.
ALEX
You make a slight error. And basically it starts to – you hear a little (makes clicking noise) as it’s trying to ignite and you’re like “Oop! Nope.” You start, you know, plucking a couple of components out so it can’t go off? But you can’t really salvage it.
BRYN
It’s not going to be usable.
LYDIA
I don’t retrieve my lovely second thunderstone and vial.
ALEX
No. Basically the oil vial breaks as part of it – the way that you stop it going off in your face is you break the oil, it dribbles on the floor. The thunderstone sort of sparks but doesn’t go off, and then nothing happens.
JAMES
So you can’t make a pair of incredibly dangerous earrings.
[SNICKERS]
LYDIA
(mourningly) No.
Okay, so can I listen to the door?
ALEX
Uh-huh.
LYDIA
Can the door have woes?
[LAUGHTER, BURST OF CROSSTALK]
BEN
What does the door have to say? “Hello.”
ALEX
The door is so saaaad.
BRYN
At this point I assume you’ll carry the gauntlet, Zolf?
BEN
Yeah, no, no, I’m happy carrying it in my backpack.
BRYN
I’ll sneak up next to Sasha now that the trap has gone, to help her just scout a bit, but obviously again letting her take the lead.
ALEX
Sure.
LYDIA
Yep. Listening…
ALEX
Would you rather take two Perception rolls? Yeah, give me two Perception rolls.
[DICE ROLLS]
LYDIA
Nineteen plus – so 25.
BRYN
Yeah, much better than me, 18 total.
ALEX
Both of you hear distant voices. And you cannot make out any words and you cannot make even the genders of the voices – they seem quite low but you can’t really make out much more than that; there’s that much echoing and reechoing and so on. And the doorway – you haven’t opened it, the door is still just ajar as it was – it seems to lead to a metal staircase.
HAMID
Stay here, I think it may be better if we go just a little way ahead.
SASHA
Yeah, this…
ZOLF
What’s down there?
HAMID
There’s some voices. Just be quiet.
SASHA
There’s people and there’s a clanging like it’s made of metal…
ZOLF
I understand.
SASHA
So Bertie, stay.
HAMID
We’ll shout if we need you.
ZOLF
And me.
SASHA
Yeah.
BEN
Tap my leg, not going to happen, but I will get my trident out and just basically ready –
ZOLF
Just yell if you need us and we’ll come down.
BERTIE
You do that, um – brain walkie-talkie spell thing.
HAMID
It doesn’t have a very long range, but I guess I could give it a go.
BRYN
I cast Message.
ALEX
Okay, what’s the range on it?
BRYN
110 feet.
ALEX
Okay. Who’d you cast it on?
BRYN
I’ll cast it on both of them, it’s a cantrip so I can cast it –
ALEX
Okay.
BRYN
– as many times as I like.
ALEX
Sure. So currently Bertie and Zolf are connected now, to you.
BRYN
I’ll cast it on… Sasha as well.
ALEX
They don’t connect to each other.
BRYN
No.
ALEX
Basically you’re holding a conference call, but you’re the only one that can hear.
JAMES
It’s – somehow we’ve set up a chatroom, it’s just like –
BRYN
Okay, yeah.
LYDIA
So we go down the stairs, I flow like a spilled bottle of extra virgin olive oil.
[BEAT]
(sadly) It’s not as good –
BEN
“Extra virgin”?
JAMES
Over the back of a silken seal.
LYDIA
Over the back of a silken seal, yeah.
ALEX
We’ll get there. Collectively, we will get you there in a sufficiently flowy fashion.
LYDIA
The seal quivers in delight.
[LAUGHTER]
Give it a massage.
ALEX
And the door is just jealous.
BRYN
Stealth checks from both of us?
ALEX
I think that will be wise.
BRYN
Come on, dice.
[DICE ROLLS]
LYDIA
So that’s…
BEN
The dice is with you.
LYDIA
Twelve plus seven.
ALEX
Twelve and seven is 19.
LYDIA
Nineteen.
BRYN
Eighteen plus six, 24.
[EVERYONE OOHS]
ALEX
So yeah, Sasha is flowing like an oily seal.
LYDIA
An oiled seal, and he’s just a better oiled seal.
ALEX
And then Hamid is exactly the same but quieter! Which has got to be galling.
[SFX: FLOWING WATER SOUNDS GRADUALLY FADE OUT, REPLACED BY SOUNDS OF SLOWLY DRIPPING WATER]
Um, but yeah. You guys are basically making your way down this metal staircase, it’s quite old. On the flip side of the door that you passed, you see that there is – there is no bolts on this side, so it’s very clear that it was meant to be locked from the upper level against the lower level, rather than the people in the stairway closing it from people coming in from where you have.
JAMES
So they were meant to keep people like us out, originally?
ALEX
No, they were meant to stop people from coming up the stairs, rather than people going down the stairs.
LYDIA
Gotcha.
JAMES
Okay.
LYDIA
Okay.
ALEX
So sneaking down the stairs, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, a little bit of a more, (clearly enjoying this) sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. There’s a brief moment where you go quiet – “was there someone there,” you hear voices, a little bit more sneaky. You get down until you’re at the range of your Message, and the voices are discernibly louder.
[SFX: DISTANT BOISTEROUS VOICES]
You hear multiple – and they don’t seem to be hushed, and you can make out women’s voices as well. But yeah, it’s as far as you can go without dropping out of range.
BRYN
I’ll just whisper through the Message –
HAMID
We’re going out of range, but we’ll shout. Just – stay, uh, stay vigilant.
ZOLF
We’re ready.
ALEX
You go down a couple more staircases and come up against another door, like, at a lower level, and the staircase continues lower as well.
LYDIA
Goodness me.
ALEX
You can see the bottom maybe another five floors down, it’s a pretty deep stairwell.
BRYN
I’ll whisper –
HAMID
Could this be a path into Other London? How deep do you have to go?
LYDIA
Ah, I don’t know, but Sasha would, so. Alex, this is…?
ALEX
It’s certainly deep enough. I mean, ultimately certain parts of Other London would be coming up to almost, like, just below that sewer that you first entered. You’re certainly deep enough to be drawing near to Other London. Impossible to know whether, like, this is connecting into that, but just sort of how far you’ve come and your experience of it – yeah, certainly.
BEN
To clarify then, with Upper London and Other London, is Upper London effectively on stilts? Or is, is Other London completely underground and it has basically been subsumed, a bit like, for example, Ankh-Morpork’s undercity.
ALEX
Upper London is built on London. Basically, the London got built up over the top, and you know that there were… the floods, which – if anyone is interested in this stuff, I’m deliberately being a bit esoteric because it’s all there on the website.
BEN
Ahhhh.
ALEX
You just go into, if you go into Rusty Quill Gaming and then across to Story-World, I’ve got a bunch of things explaining the story-world in greater detail. But following the floods from the initial lightning rail experiments, Under London – or Other London – was subsumed, and it was just much easier to just effectively turn what was a second story into a basement, and just… build across the top.
BEN
Right.
ALEX
Start again, do it better.
BEN
Fair enough! Cool.
ALEX
That’s certainly all that your character would know, no more.
BEN
Yeah, fine.
BRYN
So what can we hear, the voices?
LYDIA
So I would then answer in character, I’m guessing, saying –
SASHA
It’s entirely possible, like – like, there’s places much less deep than this but…
HAMID
Sure, okay.
SASHA
But it might even go straight past Other London to, like, maybe there’s another London before that, and then another one before that.
BEN
Is it Londons All The Way Down?
[BURST OF LAUGHTER]
HAMID
Okay.
ALEX
Do you continue to go down or you’re currently near…
LYDIA
Oh right.
BRYN
We’re listening on this level.
LYDIA
Let’s listen.
ALEX
It certainly sounds like the voices are coming from this floor rather than the lower floor.
LYDIA
Excellent.
ALEX
And basically there’s a corridor leading away from the stairwell that just takes an immediate left turn, another 90-degree. So you can’t necessarily see a door but it’s, the noises seem to be coming from round the corner.
LYDIA
Take a listen.
BRYN
Yeah.
ALEX
Sure. You make out a babble of multiple voices – um, ten, maybe twelve, that you can hear discernibly…
BRYN
But not – so not possible to pick out a conversation, because there’s so many.
ALEX
You make out a very, very faint conversation, and you occasionally catch the word “bread,” and the word “ridiculous.” Er…
BEN
“What ridiculous bread we have!”
[LAUGHTER]
JAMES
“That’s what you get for setting up a clown bakery!”
HAMID
Do you think we can –
SASHA
Well, it sounds like –
HAMID
– have a look without being spotted?
SASHA
Yeah. I mean, you’re small, or, like – I’ll do it, I’ll, I’ll – it’s fine, I’ll do it, I’ll… fine.
[ALEX SNICKERS]
LYDIA
So, I – very in character there.
BEN
The world’s most reluctant rogue.
LYDIA
(inaudible) So, I – okay, so yeah, I’ll go pop my head round the corner.
ALEX
You see another door almost identical to the one that is at the top of the staircase. The bolts have been sheared. The bolts were designed to be opened, this time, from inside the stairwell –
LYDIA
Right.
ALEX
– rather than from outside the stairwell.
LYDIA
Uh-huh.
ALEX
And the bolts have been sheared and it’s slightly ajar.
LYDIA
Okay. Is it, I mean, am I now hearing lots of clear conversation?
ALEX
The voices are definitely coming from the other side of the door, and there is what looks like firelight, sort of occasionally glimmering on the wall…
LYDIA
Can I now hear what these people are talking about?
ALEX
You hear an equivalent to:
ALEX (VOICE 1)
This is ridiculous, this is absolutely ridic – I’m not paying that for bread!
ALEX (VOICE 2)
Well, you can pay for it somewhere else. Or, you know, you can pay for it here?
ALEX (VOICE 1)
It’s ridiculous! Who pays that for bread?! I could eat a rat for that! Two, maybe.
LYDIA
Do I recognise these voices?
ALEX
You recognise the tone and the accent as Other London.
LYDIA
Right.
ALEX
But the specifics…
LYDIA
Okay, so… still not particularly sure if these guys are enemies, but it doesn’t sound that much like it. But then why would we come down the corridor, out of the… okay, I’ll just open the door.
ALEX
Just brazenly?
LYDIA
Very sneakily. I want to take a tiny peek through the crack.
ALEX
It explodes in your face! No, it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
LYDIA
Aw. Aw.
ALEX
You open the door –
[VOICES BECOME DISTINCTLY LOUDER]
And you’re looking into a large industrial under-complex, as it were. So lots of steel walkways up high. You’re coming out onto a very high steel walkway. And it’s almost like someone drained the vaults that Zolf landed in?
LYDIA
Right.
ALEX
It isn’t actually designed for the holding of liquid or anything, but the scale, the kind of architecture – there are pipes that run in and then flow but they flow past this. A lot of metal grillwork, multiple levels. And you appear to be above what looks like some kind of… market, that has been set up across the metal grilling and just across the various levels of the complex.
LYDIA
Okay.
ALEX
It’s very familiar to you, as it’s one of the bazaars, there’s a few.
LYDIA
Right.
ALEX
You know that – you recognise it, and you realise that you’ve never seen this door that you’re looking in through? You’ve never seen that open before. To be honest there’s so many doors that are just locked and bolted that you don’t really notice them eventually.
LYDIA
Right. Okay, is a, like is it going to be a hugely obvious thing if I walk out of this, like am I visible to the entire market because I’m coming from such a high place?
ALEX
I’d say that if the market was looking up, yes. You are, like, you know, 30 feet above all of the stall-tops and stuff, which also actually have awnings –
LYDIA
Right.
ALEX
– as if they were going to be rained on, but it ain’t rain that they are protecting themselves from.
LYDIA
Right.
ALEX
But yeah. You, you would be visible, but it’s not like anyone’s looking up there, you know.
LYDIA
Right. So bringing Bertie is going to be difficult.
Yeah, so I go back to you, to, um, Hamid, and say –
SASHA
Go back and send them a Message. It’s just a market, it’s just – like, we can, we can go in, we can ask people if they’ve seen anyone come past. It’s like, it’s just normal people.
HAMID
Well, shall we head back up and the four of us can work out what to do next?
SASHA
Yeah.
HAMID
I mean, at this point the trail has probably gone cold, and maybe we just need to start asking around in Other London anyway –
SASHA
(overlapping) And you want your sleep.
[ALEX SNORTS]
HAMID
Well… (giving in) yes.
SASHA
Alright. I mean maybe when we get them – I bet there will be, like, an inn or somewhere we can get down there. I mean, it won’t be what Bertie is used to, or you.
HAMID
Well, let’s go and talk to them.
SASHA
Right.
BRYN
We’ll just head back up to the main…
ALEX
Okay, sure. We’ll cut to Zolf and Bertie mid-conversation, go!
[SEWER WATER NOISES ARE BACK]
ZOLF
So – (clears throat) the aroma, I would say, is probably…
[LAUGHTER]
…had a certain, I can’t see the – sort of indescribable, really. Like nothing – I’ve been in some pretty grim bilges in my time, but, er, this was –
BERTIE
Grim.
ZOLF
(simultaneously) Extraordinary.
BERTIE
Grimmer, grimmest.
ZOLF
Er… Not quite grimmest, but I’d say…
BERTIE
Somewhere between grimmer and grimmest.
ZOLF
One of my top three grim moments.
BERTIE
Top three grims.
ALEX
(laughing) At which point Hamid and Sasha rock up.
HAMID
So down that staircase there’s a doorway into a bazaar.
SASHA
Yeah, like it’s one of the Other London markets. It will be, you know, it’s just…
HAMID
It’s quite crowded.
ALEX
If you give me a Knowledge: Local, Sasha, I can see how much information you have.
[DICE ROLLS]
LYDIA
Oh… (perking up) Oh, ten, I thought that was a two.
ALEX
Ten. And what’s your modifier?
LYDIA
Seven. Seventeen.
ALEX
Ooh! Okay, yeah.
LYDIA
I know stuff about Local Things! Local Knowledge from Local People.
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
One of the things that they fixed, I think, in Pathfinder, was Knowledge: Local refers universally. So if you were in Paris, you would still have better Knowledge: Local than everyone else, because the idea is that you are good at just figuring it out. It’s very much – I find myself in Budapest, (confidently) I know how cities work! And then, you know, an hour later you’re in a hashish bar making all of the friends.
LYDIA
In my case, annoying all of the people.
ALEX
All of the people.
JAMES
To you Budapest is barely a Buda-nuisance.
LYDIA
Ayyyyyy!
ALEX
Oh, James!
[PLAYERS GROAN, SOMEONE POUNDS THE TABLE]
JAMES
Ah, that was great. Come on.
ALEX
That’s your worst one for the day.
JAMES
I enjoyed that.
[LAUGHTER]
I enjoyed that enough for everybody.
ALEX
So, you know, it is a bazaar, it is a bazaar that specialises in food products. It’s near enough to the sewage pipes that there is – think of it as a hydroponics garden that has actually been set up, where a few enterprising folks have been using it as manure, effectively. And there’s a part connected to that which is for the cleaning of them to remove all of the stray sewage, blah, blah, blah.
It’s mostly for the buying of food, it’s also mostly for the buying of food, sort of wholesale? So people would be coming up here to buy, like, thirteen cabbages, to then take it to their inn and make cabbage soup for forty people or whatever. It’s not so much – “oh, I’d like to buy a cup of a coffee here,” kind of deal.
SASHA
I don’t know, like there’s nowhere around there you could sell a…
ZOLF
I don’t think we’re going to pick up that trail by following it, we’ll have to ask around.
HAMID
We’ve got these – we’ve got these big, um, pieces…
ZOLF
Actually, good point, not really that keen to go into Other London with something that’s probably worth… the amount that Other London is.
HAMID
I mean, should we take these back to –
ZOLF
We should take these back to the Sergeant.
HAMID
(overlapping) To Haringay, and then we can try and pick up the trail tomorrow morning?
SASHA
After a sleep.
ZOLF
Well, either that or… if he pays us, job’s a good ‘un!
BERTIE
Job done!
SASHA
Job done.
BERTIE
This Simulacrum looks pretty dead to me.
ZOLF
That’s what he wanted.
BERTIE
That was basically the fulfilment of most of the conditions.
HAMID
Well, he might want us to find the people that did it as well, which is still a concern.
[AGREEING CROSSTALK]
ZOLF
Then he can pay us some more. We are, after all, mercenaries.
HAMID
Indeed. Right.
[BEAT]
ZOLF
If you’re not comfortable with this whole kind of…
BERTIE
Very comfortable, I’m extremely comfortable.
ZOLF
…commerce, you know, focused then…
HAMID
Just not used to it, is all.
ZOLF
Right, okay.
BERTIE
I am intensely relaxed about being filthy, filthy rich.
ZOLF
And if anyone has got any concerns, don’t worry, if we see people being mugged or anything like that I’m not going to ask them to pay me before I help.
SASHA
(surprised) Oh, you’re not?
[ALEX CACKLES]
ZOLF
Well, you know, we can assess the situation but…
HAMID
I mean the other thing is, it would be quite nice to prepare before, you know… I was literally just on my way home, I didn’t bring – you know, everything I would have needed with me –
ZOLF
I-I see.
HAMID
And then we were in a fight with some people and…
BERTIE
Bertie-Hamid road trip, ooh!
HAMID
Fight with some people, and then we came down to the sewers, and – it would be nice to have everything I needed.
ZOLF
As someone who has gone for a swim in lots of poo, I can’t agree more with going back and having about fifteen baths. So…
SASHA
And we could, like, have a bed in a hotel, like, one that’s paid for and everything.
BERTIE
We could rest, using all of this money that we’ve just picked up that looks a lot like a head and an arm.
ZOLF
(patient) The mercenary guild will gut us.
HAMID
I have an apartment in, in town.
[BEAT]
SASHA
(quiet) Woooow.
ZOLF
Fair enough. (louder) To Hamid’s apartment!
SASHA
Hooray!
BERTIE
All back to Hamid’s.
ZOLF
Well, we’ll have to go, er, go –
BEN
My accent went a little weird there.
ZOLF
We go past the Sergeant and, uh…
HAMID
…deliver this and see what he says and what he wants us to do next.
ALEX
So. Spell out your plan specifically to me.
JAMES
We go all the way back up to the surface; we go and see Sergeant Haringay.
LYDIA
Is there – does the, does the metal staircase keep going up, further up than the door that we came through, so maybe straight to the ground level?
ALEX
It did head further up. It didn’t disappear into the distance, it only looked like it went up a few more levels.
BEN
We’re not that far down.
LYDIA
I think we should try that, yeah.
[AGREEING CROSSTALK]
BEN
That’s probably a good route back, yeah.
But, yes, our plan is get out, find the Sergeant and give him the head, hopefully collect our payment, see if he wants to pay us to do anything more, and then go to Hamid’s for parties and ablutions.
LYDIA
Right.
[BEAT]
ALEX
End of campaign!
LYDIA
Yay!
BRYN
(high-pitched) No, I’m not a dragon yet!
JAMES
Cut to the four of us just sat in a hot tub – “ahhhh.”
BEN
Yeah, we’ll just sell this on the black market and retire to Sweden.
[PLAYERS CACKLE SOME MORE]
JAMES
That’s the first time I’ve ever heard the phrase “retire to Sweden” as if it’s a happy ending.
ALEX
To be honest, the way Pathfinder works, you could totally sell it and head off to Sweden. I can make that work.
BEN
Yeah, that’s fine, but, uh…
LYDIA
That sounds like less trouble than sticking around in London.
BEN
I’m an honest mercenary.
LYDIA
(quiet) Aw.
[ALEX SNICKERS]
BEN
You may not be but… I certainly am.
ALEX
So you guys head up the staircase –
JAMES
(overlapping) We’re going up there, up the spiral staircase.
ALEX
Sure.
LYDIA
I check for traps on the – on the door.
BRYN
Where does it come out?
ALEX
So you head up, you head up the stairs, it takes a while – “clang, clang, clang,” because Bertie’s with them –
[RUSHING WATER SOUNDS ARE REPLACED WITH DRIPPING WATER SOUNDS]
And you make it to the level that you came out in originally, sorry, then up a few more rounds of the staircase and you get to just a door. It is bolted, and it appears to be bolted like the one that you came in through, so that people from the stairwell can’t get out.
LYDIA
Agh, okay.
ALEX
You might be able to…
LYDIA
Lockpicking!
ALEX
Yeah, so having a quick look – yeah, there is a lock that you can pick.
LYDIA
So I have just basic thieves’ tools and my lockpicking…
ALEX
So you’re not taking any penalties, but you’re not getting any bonuses?
LYDIA
No.
BRYN
Disable Device.
LYDIA
Yeah, that’s right. Do-do-do-doo…
[DICE ROLLS]
ALEX
So for listeners because this is the first time, Disable Devices for lockpicking. If you have thieves’ tools you take no penalties. If you’re doing it without thieves’ tools, you take a minus 3, I think, or minus 4. Most rogues will go for a masterwork set as soon as possible because they are comparatively cheap and get you just a plus 3, which is why – you know, they’re useful.
LYDIA
That was fifteen.
ALEX
Fifteen total?
LYDIA
Yep.
ALEX
Okay, fifteen total, um… it takes a decent amount of time, just as Bertie is starting to get a bit grumbly and impatient.
BERTIE
(quiet) Ugh, hungry!
ALEX
You manage to get the sort of – clank and then pull down the lever, and you feel the bolts (imitates scraping and unbolting) and you can pull the door open.
BERTIE
Are there any biscuits in there?
LYDIA
Are there any biscuits in there, Alex?
ALEX
There are no biscuits in there.
BEN
It’s a biscuit factory!
JAMES
Perception check for biscuits! Kidding, carry on.
ALEX
It appears to be a service tunnel that runs for at least 100 feet, and just has a lot of pipes, sort of in the walls and in the ceiling. It’s just a long straight service tunnel.
SASHA
Mhm. So I mean, this looks – what do we want, down here or through the…?
ZOLF
This is a service tunnel, it’s got to have an exit because someone’s got to get in, so…
SASHA
Yep.
ALEX
Okay, yeah. So you start heading down –
ZOLF
(stage whisper) And it’s not covered in poo! So that’s a win in my book.
BERTIE
Bonus!
ALEX
You guys make it down the corridor without any encounters with anything to do with the human digestive system –
[BEN AND LYDIA CHEER QUIETLY]
And make it to another manhole cover, ladder’s leading up to it. It’s a bit of a longer ladder, it’s like a 25 foot ladder or so, and there’s a manhole cover at the top, which is covered. And it looks like there’s sort of light-dark-light-dark, same as the one in the other direction.
Who leads the way? Give me an order.
JAMES
Sasha, and then probably me.
LYDIA
Yep. I flow like…
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
Something that flows uphill, up a ladder!
BEN
Like – like cheddar gratings out of a grater.
LYDIA
Yeah! Like –
JAMES
Grated at speed!
LYDIA
Like a weasel through a Hamster City toy set.
ALEX
(laughing) So, like really cramped and quite difficult?
LYDIA
No, weasels are really small!
BEN
Was that some product placement? Are Hamster City paying you?
ALEX
Oh gosh. I wish they were.
LYDIA
Or like a stoat, they’re the smaller ones, right? So even smaller, like, tiny. And deadly.
ALEX
So you go up a ladder like a stoat, that’s what I’m hearing. You get up to the manhole cover. There doesn’t seem to be anything attached to it, at least from this side. Do you try and lift it?
ZOLF
Mind your head!
LYDIA
Yep.
ALEX
Give me a Strength check?
LYDIA
I can’t do this, probably.
[DICE ROLLS]
JAMES
Two.
[SNORTS]
LYDIA
I do not manage it.
ALEX
No, not even a little bit. And on that failure –
LYDIA
Aww.
ALEX
I think we’re going to take a brief break, and be back here in a couple of minutes!
[AD BREAK]
ALEX
And welcome back. So, er, yeah, you’ve successfully failed at lifting a manhole cover.
LYDIA
Yeah.
BERTIE
Stand aside, young lady!
JAMES
Bertie…
ALEX
Clang clang clang!
JAMES
Clang clang clang clang clang, how long’s the ladder?
ALEX
It was – what, 25 to 30 feet.
JAMES
Clang clang clang clang clang.
[LAUGHTER]
There’s a montage.
ZOLF
Bertie!
JAMES
Montage concluded. I’m at the top of the ladder.
ZOLF
Make sure you don’t get your head knocked off by a cart!
BERTIE
Very well!
ALEX
I’d recommend taking 10.
JAMES
Okay.
ALEX
You eventually manage to (imitates lifting noises). It’s clearly night, not like 2am or anything, it’s coming up to… I mean, you’re not a survival expert. The streetlamps are on. There you go, Bertie, it’s night and the lights are on.
[SNICKERS]
There’s not much traffic. You’re coming up right in the middle of a street. It’s an upmarket area. You’re not too far from Edison’s, to be honest – you’re only, like, maybe a block away, something like that.
SASHA
So where’s this, like, fancy apartment that was going to be all, like, wine and…
ZOLF
We’re finding the Sergeant’s first.
SASHA
Aww.
ALEX
Right, so you’re presumably heading to Central, I’m guessing?
JAMES
City of London, presumably?
ALEX
Yeah, yeah, Zolf knows his way there.
JAMES
Okay.
ALEX
You head through. You head out of the upmarket back into, if you remember, where Zolf was doing his interviews. Kind of a bit more merchant-y. And there’s a large official-looking building, some faux columns out front: Central Precinct. And it has like a badge and an emblem, which is… oh, I think it’s a rose and a baton, crossed.
Um, and, yeah. Heading up there’s a wooden counter with someone behind the desk, behind some glass.
[SFX: TYPING, OFFICE CHATTER]
ALEX (DESK WORKER)
Can I help you?
ZOLF
We’re here to see Sergeant Haringay.
ALEX (DESK WORKER)
Alright. Erm, name?
ZOLF
Zolf Smith.
ALEX (DESK WORKER)
And…?
ZOLF
Oh, sorry. Er…
BERTIE
Sir Bertrand MacGuffingham. And guest!
JAMES
Holds up the head, does a little ventriloquism.
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
Hello! I’m a metal person!
ALEX
Yeah, the guy behind the counter is clearly aware of what’s, er, happened today…
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
Bottle of beer, bottle of beer.
ZOLF
That’s why we’re here to see him.
ALEX (DESK WORKER)
Alright, I’ll be back in a second.
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
In your own time!
JAMES
Done in a ventriloquist voice with the metal head.
LYDIA
(imitates ventriloquism) Ah mah mah, mah…
LYDIA & JAMES
Mah mah mah mah mah.
ALEX
He goes and he heads back. In a couple of minutes, out from down a corridor, steps Haringay.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
So, that was fast. Any news, anything like that?
ZOLF
Bertie, show him your trick.
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
We just flew in from Other London and, boy, are our arms tired!
JAMES
Through ventriloquism, though the big metal head.
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
Why not give him a wave?
ALEX
(cackling) You guys are way too whimsical!
ALEX (HARINGAY)
My office, now.
BERTIE (VENTRILOQUISING)
Very well, on we go.
JAMES
Again, ventriloquism, all the way through.
[SFX: TICKING CLOCK]
ALEX
Yeah, basically you head down. You head into, it’s a small-ish office. He’s clearly high up enough, but by no means is he running the precinct.
BRYN
Higher up than he used to be!
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
Oh, yeah! Basically, you see huge mounds of paperwork on his desk. A significant portion of it looks like it’s been done in a hurry and probably relates to what’s today. There’s a bookcase on the side which covers some legal documentation, things like that. There’s two chairs for people on the other side of the desk. There’s a coatrack, which has got basically his helmet and his steel cuirass attached to it. There’s a window behind him which looks out onto the street, and a gas lamp on his desk and a gas lamp in the ceiling, both of which are at a sensible level.
Erm, it’s modest, but by no means is it ramshackle.
JAMES
I’m going to put the head on top of one of the piles of papers like it’s a massive paperweight.
ALEX
Half of the papers slide immediately onto the floor. He doesn’t really seem to care, to be honest.
BERTIE
Whoops!
ALEX
He sits down.
[BEAT]
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Alright. And the rest of it?
ZOLF
Couldn’t locate it. We tracked them into the sewers. Found these two pieces discarded, just down a drain.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Down a drain?
ZOLF
Yeah.
[HARINGAY SIGHS, IN CLEAR ANTICIPATION OF HOW MUCH WORK THIS WILL BE]
ZOLF
I had to swim in and get it, so thank you.
BERTIE
You’re welcome.
ZOLF
And then, uh –
SASHA
It was a good team effort.
BERTIE
Team effort.
SASHA
(Lydia laughing) Good team!
BERTIE
Team! Team!
JAMES
I put my hand out for the sort of team American football bonding thing.
LYDIA
I try and react in the wrong way, like go for it as if shaking hands. Move around…
BERTIE
Team. Team?
HAMID
We can give you a possible location for more pieces. We weren’t able to ascertain whether they were there, because it was a rather large vault filled mostly with water and excrement. It might take a team to drain it to discover if the rest is there.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
So basically, they’ve destroyed it?
HAMID
(beat) As far as we can tell. We recovered these two pieces.
JAMES
At this point Bertie shakes the big head, and turns it up and says,
BERTIE
All signs point to yes!
ALEX
As you’re saying that, like, a bit more of the sewage drops out onto Haringay’s floor. Just from the inside, just a little bit of a deposit.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Do me a favour – er, Hamid, is it? Close the door.
BRYN
I do so.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Good.
ALEX
Picks it up, looks at it.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Bad news, don’t want it. You’re saying it’s at the bottom of some big old vat of?
ZOLF
We can’t confirm that. We followed the trail to a bazaar in Other London. At that point –
ALEX
He reacts to that.
SASHA
We don’t know, though, like, ‘cause they could have gone up, the people that we were following.
ZOLF
What, up to the service hatch?
SASHA
Yeah, they could have gone up.
ZOLF
And back into Upper London?
SASHA
Yeah, they could have gone back into Upper London at the street.
ZOLF
But from that branding, the way they were dressed, they were from Other London. Why – where else would you go?
SASHA
Why do you assume it’s Other London people, it could have been people from Above London.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Right, right, right.
SASHA
Just picked up some tricks.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
As fun as this is, where would the – if they had gone up, where would the service hatch have come out?
SASHA
It was just, like, a block away from that Edison place.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
A block away.
ZOLF
It makes no sense. It makes absolutely no sense.
HAMID
They’d be s-seen…
ALEX (HARINGAY)
I’m going to be honest, I’ve had – the second that this happened, I’ve had most of the officers that I have running the area, I mean…
SASHA
There were other doors coming out of that, that… out of the staircase at different levels. Or maybe they put it, maybe it all went into the – there was the other manhole, right, the other manhole out in the other direction. Could’ve…
ZOLF
It seemed – most likely that…
SASHA
(quietly) I think it’s unlikely.
ZOLF
Can I – actually, just, if you don’t mind – do you want to, just – can you step outside with me, please.
[SASHA MAKES RELUCTANT NOISES]
Please.
[MORE RELUCTANT NOISES]
As your employer.
SASHA
(still reluctantly) Yes.
ZOLF
Thank you. Give us a moment.
BEN
Open the door.
ALEX
You’ll head out, we’ll follow you and then we’ll cut back into the office.
ZOLF
What is this about? Why are you so –?
SASHA
I just don’t think that there’s any need for us to go down there. There doesn’t seem like there’s enough evidence.
ZOLF
Right. Just because you’re scared of Other London because of whatever has gone on, don’t, right, jeopardise our reputation. Do you know what you just told him? There were loads of other avenues that we could have explored and we didn’t, alright? Do you know that looks. He’s paying us! Just because you’re scared to go back there – you’re supposed to be a mercenary!
SASHA
If they came out of that door they would have had to carry, like, probably most of the, like, the thing!
ZOLF
What is your problem with going back to Other London?
SASHA
…It’s just not a good place.
[A PAUSE]
ZOLF
It’s our job to go to not-good places.
SASHA
There’s not good places and there’s not good places, you know? Some…
ZOLF
I’m assuming by the way we met you have some sort of history with people in Other London. As part of the team, we will protect you from those people. Like, as a team, we’ll work as a team, keep each other safe. But we have to be able to do our job, or – or we can’t do our job. Now I said we will try and find somewhere outside of the city, but we have to do the job at hand first. Then we’ll move from the city. Deal?
[BEAT]
LYDIA
My face coils up like an angry teenager’s.
[LAUGHTER]
And I nod as if there was a sour sweet stuffed into both of my cheeks.
ZOLF
Look, I’ll buy you a drink as well, alright?
SASHA
Alright.
ZOLF
Fine.
BEN
Go back in.
ALEX
Haringay, meanwhile, has, um – in the meantime, cleared his desk. He has literally just swept all of the stuff onto the floor, with distaste put the Simulacrum on sort of a side-coffee-table thing, and has been spreading out a map of the area, which has a couple of things for sewers. It doesn’t go as deep as you guys have – it just has that top layer, and then it doesn’t get as far as the staircase. And you guys have – like effectively, he’s pointing out the staircase?
BEN
Yeah.
ALEX
And he just says staircase and he’s going, “so here.”
BRYN
Well, I’ll walk him through everything that happened to us.
HAMID
So the two – you know, it’s very possibly they dismantled it and chucked it all down there, but we can’t be certain. So if there’s possible to get people who can check into that, into the big lake and see if there are other bits at the bottom, that would be good.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Trawl it.
HAMID
Obviously we didn’t know if you wanted us to try and track these people beyond just the device, but we felt…
ALEX (HARINGAY)
No, that’s fair.
HAMID
This was enough to bring back to you to at least confirm that it’s a –
SASHA
It’s a dangerous thing to be carrying around, you know, we wanted to get it to you.
HAMID
– no longer functioning.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
No, it’s fair, you did right, good job. I have enough officers for up here, what I don’t have is any officers to go down. I don’t. As it is, I’m looking at about fifteen other people who are all trying to take command and none of them actually know what they’re doing.
(inhales) I can cover up here, what I can’t do is I can’t send people down there. It’s as simple as that. You’ve done a good job so far. You’ve done better than I thought, to be honest – I figured it would take you a while to at least find the stuff. The fact that you brought it back in pieces is only making me happier.
It seems like you deserve to be paid, and maybe we can discuss maybe furthering this investigation. Everyone alright with that?
SASHA
Er, yeah.
HAMID
Yeah, I think so. We did think of some other leads that could be pursued – I mean they have clearly, this outfit has clearly equipped themselves quite well, and, you know, if we can track down any merchants that they bought these devices from, as well.
ALEX
He turns to Sasha and gives a calculating look.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Hypothetically, would you happen to know someone who would happen to know Other London well enough to maybe show these guys around, and effectively where they could buy some things like that?
SASHA
Ye-es.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Good.
ALEX
He reaches down into his desk, pulls open a drawer. You see him pluck out a key from under his neck, open a strongbox, plucks out what looks like a heavy bag.
JAMES
Hello, money!
LYDIA
It looks like the sour sweets have been extracted!
[LAUGHTER]
BEN
Do they flow away?
LYDIA
They, they flow into non-existence and are replaced by lovely marshmallows.
JAMES
Bertie and the money’s eyes lock.
[LAUGHTER]
BEN
I will grab the bag and stick it in my, my bag.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Well, Zolf, your two friends here, they’ve done a fairly decent job explaining how much trouble it was. You’ll find 400 in there. That will cover expenses as well – I expect that to cover the expenses for the beginning of the next investigation.
ZOLF
Yep.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
There’ll be more where that comes, at least that much, if you can return to me and get me… who they are, something like that.
ZOLF
Excellent.
SASHA
Do you –
ALEX (HARINGAY)
I want people, not names. If you have to drag a body in here – I want people, not names.
SASHA
Alright. As well – we was wondering if there was, like, any more information about, you know, the tin man? Because, like – so Hamid said, earlier, that what if there was, like, an engine in it that they was after and they don’t care about these bits despite all the gold and everything. Like, what do we – is there – like, any clues there?
ALEX (HARINGAY)
I’m going to be honest. I shouldn’t be sending anyone to Other London at all. As it is, this payment I’m going to have to be disappearing under some kind of pension fund. (beat) Which I’m not okay with, by the way.
[A FEW SNICKERS FROM PLAYERS]
On top of that I have the fact that this… thing, maybe may be in pieces, maybe it’s just missing an arm and a head. I don’t know if that thing can run without them, who knows. But I currently have…
HAMID
It does seem very unlikely, Sergeant. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
No, you wouldn’t, I would. My job. What I’m looking at is the fact that if not the machine itself, then the people who know where parts of it are, are currently in Other London.
SASHA
We don’t know that, we’re just assuming.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Fair. But they’re out there. And my point is, is that people can be taking this thing apart right now. I don’t know what it runs on, it could run on – bottled – fireballs. I don’t know. My point is I don’t want that out in the city, or Other London, or anywhere else. And if I’m frank, if anyone was going to weaponize something that was left, it’s going to be Other London.
It’s not a criticism of the people that’s down there –
SASHA
Right.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
– but we all know who ends up down there because of the way the city works.
SASHA
(quietly) Yes.
ZOLF
That’s fine, we will, um…
ALEX (HARINGAY)
If you find any pieces, I need them back here, under lock and key. If you find plans, bring them back here. If you find out that someone has been making more of these things, if you can, destroy them all. If you can’t, you bring the info back to me, and I will find someone who can. I do not want these things in my city.
HAMID
Thank you, Sergeant, we’ll, we’ll get on it.
ZOLF
We’ll prep and we’ll set out in the morning, we’ll get something to you as soon as we can.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Get some rest. You look like –
BERTIE
Handsome! I look like handsome.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Yeah, that. Yeah.
LYDIA
I look like black paint on the wall, slightly smeared.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Well, don’t let me keep you.
ALEX
He just opens a folder and begins – not sure whether it’s a power play or whether he’s actually doing some paperwork, but he opens a folder and begins marking it up.
BERTIE
It’s upside down, Sergeant.
[SNICKERS]
HAMID
Yes, well, let’s – let’s head there.
ZOLF
Excellent.
ALEX
Fair enough.
ZOLF
And we can divvy up the, er, the takings.
SASHA
Hooray.
HAMID
Um, so I think the other thing is, do we need anything to prepare, if we’re going to venture down into Other London? I certainly understand that some healing potions are often useful.
ZOLF
Well, most of the shops are closed, so…
HAMID
Ah, well, we can get these tomorrow morning if we head down there.
ALEX
Oh actually, I should spell out – there was a clock at the precinct at the front desk. It’s about, it’s coming up to midnight. It’s like 11:50pm.
LYDIA
So it’s still early then.
[ALEX LAUGHS]
ZOLF
Yeah, we’ll bed down for the night, rest up.
HAMID
There’s the guest bed and there’s the sofa, but only really enough for three, um…
ZOLF
That’s fine, I’ll go on the floor.
BERTIE
Well, of course I’ll have yours, and that’s very generous of you to offer, Hamid, thank you so much.
HAMID
You – you won’t fit, Bertie.
BERTIE
Oh, that’s a point. Well –
[LAUGHTER]
ALEX
(cackling) I love the idea! Not even bothering to take his armour off. It’s just like Snow White and the dwarves –
[CROSSTALK]
HAMID
The guest bed is big enough for a human, but I’m afraid that the master bedroom… is not.
ALEX
Keep going, but we’ll say you’re having this conversation as you’re walking down to Hamid’s apartment.
ZOLF
Yes. So we’ll – we’ll stay there.
HAMID
There’s a very nice bath, so we can all have a bath.
ZOLF
Good.
HAMID
Or three.
ZOLF
Good. We’ll prep in the morning, head down when we can.
SASHA
I need to stock up on daggers, I threw a few too many.
ZOLF
Sure.
ALEX
Okay, well –
BERTIE
This chap –
JAMES
Pointing at the falcon.
BERTIE
– needs at least a monocle.
[LAUGHTER]
BEN
I still reckon an eye patch would look very dashing.
ALEX
You guys carry on heading to Hamid’s. He lives in a relatively upmarket part of the city. You get there, there is a locked gate and what looks like a sort of central courtyard. Presumably you head straight in, Hamid.
BRYN
Yeah, just head straight in.
ALEX
Open the gate, you head up the stairs and you head into what looks like a pretty upmarket – actually, bachelor pad. It’s a…
SASHA
How many people do you share with, then? Do we need to be worried about them?
HAMID
No, it’s just me.
SASHA
Oh. Okay.
BERTIE
A bit pokey really, isn’t it, a bit small. I suppose for you though…
ALEX
In fact, describe your apartment for us.
BRYN
So it’s very nice – it’s not opulent, there’s nothing flashy about it. It’s just, you know, it has got everything it needs. There’s a couple of, there’s a sofa, there’s a couple of very nice chairs, there’s a table, there’s a little kitchen area, you know – the carpet is pristine and very welcoming to one’s feet. The curtains are heavy and you can keep it dark, there’s – you know, you can control the lighting level. It’s just…
LYDIA
It’s a seduction pad!
[ALEX LAUGHS]
BRYN
It – basically, yeah!
BEN
Not showy, but all the mod-cons.
BRYN
Yeah. You know, there’s no flash – there’s no pomp or ceremony to it all, but it’s – everything is very welcoming and comfy and…
ALEX
And presumably very clean and orderly?
BRYN
Yes, absolutely.
BEN
So when he lets us in I’ll say –
ZOLF
(light) Son of a banker.
LYDIA
Ayyyy.
ALEX
You know what? I think I’m going to leave, I’m going to end, I’m going to end on “son of a banker.”
BEN
Son of a banker.
ALEX
You guys are hunkering down for the night.
BEN
Yep.
JAMES
Perception check to find the drinks cabinet.
[A FEW SNICKERS]
Sorry, carry on.
ALEX
I’m going to say that with Pomp and Circumstance and taking 20, you managed to find it.
BERTIE
Helloooo! I’m going to drink you and gain your courage!
BRYN
I’ll pour you a brandy.
BEN
“Hello, alcohol, my old friend!”
JAMES
La la la, I see myself inside you! Sorry, go on.
BRYN
I offer Zolf the first bath.
ZOLF
Very kind of you, much appreciated.
ALEX
Right, we’ll close on that then.
BEN
Ah yes.
ALEX
So thanks for listening as ever! Be sure to leave reviews if you like what we’re doing, and we hope that you join us again next week. So, er, bye everyone.
EVERYONE
Bye!
LYDIA
I can’t help waving, even though I know they can’t see.
BRYN
Yeah, I do it too. Wave, we’re waving, we’re all waving.
JAMES
Wave.
LYDIA
Appreciate our futile waves.
BEN
Bye.
[SHOW THEME – OUTRO]
ALEX
Rusty Quill Gaming is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today’s episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening.
LYDIA
(singing) Oh, I do like to be an awkward roooogue!
BEN
Do I know this person?
BRYN
It’s your reflection.
BEN
Meeee!
[LAUGHTER]
JAMES
Gosh, we’re handsome.
ALEX
Okay, so…
JAMES
Do you come here often, beautiful?