[A tacky, mystery theme, full of synth-y theremin]
[CELIA and GEORGIE are recording remotely, badly. A dog occasionally boofs faintly on Georgie’s end.]
GEORGIE
(peppy) Hi there faithful sceptics, and welcome to another episode of Sheeple Chase: the podcast that gives a long hard look at the dangerous, the dubious and the downright dodgy. I’m true believer Georgie Barker–
CELIA
(a little awkward) – And I’m Celia Ripley, and I don’t believe a word of it!
GEORGIE
(laughing) So Celia, what weird and wonderful conspiracy have you brought us today?
CELIA
(checking her notes) Have you ever looked at your favourite celeb and suddenly felt like you don’t recognise them anymore? Like their fame has changed them? Well today, we’re investigating claims of three singers dying at their peak and being replaced by doubles.
GEORGIE
Ooh, are we doing Paul is Dead?
CELIA
We’re doing Paul is Dead, Avril Esta Morta and Mia’s Missing.
GEORGIE
Sounds like we’re in for a treat after this quick word from our sponsors…
[short tacky jingle]
GEORGIE
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[short tacky jingle ends]
CELIA
So, in the late 60s, a rumour started circulating that Paul McCartney had died in a car crash and was replaced by a lookalike named Billy Shears at the request of MI-5 Because, get this, they were afraid that, if fans found out Paul McCartney had died, the grief would lead to mass hysteria.
GEORGIE
They really thought this was a matter of national security?
CELIA
Don’t forget Beatlemania was a global phenomenon by this point. Luckily for MI-5 though, the American label Capital Records had already held a Beatles lookalike competition and it’s said that the winner, William Campbell Shears, became the replacement “Fake Paul” or “Faul” as he’s known online.
GEORGIE
Wait, so the American record label held a competition in the US and just happened to get a scouse, singer-songwriter as the winner?
CELIA
No but the other Beatles allegedly taught him how to speak with a Liverpudlian accent, play bass left-handed and sing.
GEORGIE
Oooh! Do you think that’s why there was such tension between him and Lennon? Because the fake Paul reminded him of his dead friend?
CELIA
I mean, I think it’s all a load of bollocks, personally.
GEORGIE
You’ve got me curious, though… What’s the evidence?
CELIA
“Evidence” is a strong word. No-one knows where the rumour of his death came from but it happened twice, in 1966 and 1967. Eventually the Beatles’ press manager put out statements saying he was alive-
GEORGIE
(sarcastically) Oh, well if a press manager says it then it must be true!
CELIA
Fair, but he was also obviously fine - walking around and singing and, well… alive. So that was that. Until, September 1969 when a student newspaper at Drake University in Iowa published an article saying he was dead and the other Beatles were leaving clues about it in their records.
GEORGIE
Oh that explains the famous lyric: (singing) “We all live in a yellow submarine, Except for Paul who’s dead, He-Died-In-A-Car-Crash-In-1966…”
[Georgie begins googling totally convincing evidence]
CELIA
Unfortunately, it seems the actual clues were so cryptic they were almost undetectable. At best, Sergeant Pepper was the first album released after the rumours and people claimed the sleeve art included “suspicious symbols” like a flower wreath on the ground shaped vaguely like a left-handed bass guitar.
GEORGIE
I can kinda see it… if you squint and turn it upside down.
CELIA
Anyway, people were saying everything was a coded reference to Paul’s death: he’s turned away from the camera on the back cover, in another photo, he’s wearing a black patch on his sleeve that says O.P.D-
GEORGIE
(gasps) For Other Paul Died!?
[spooky theremin sting, it goes on a little too long]
CELIA
(laughs) Sure why not? On the Abbey Road cover, he’s barefoot, so obviously that’s a sign–
GEORGIE
Obviously.
CELIA
–and on page 13 of the Magical Mystery Tour he’s got his shoes off again–
GEORGIE
It’s almost like people were obsessed with a famous guy’s feet…
CELIA
–and in another photo, everyone else is wearing red corsages but he has a black one.
GEORGIE
OK, that one is actually a bit weird…
CELIA
Then there’s the alleged hidden backmasked messages in the songs themselves.
GEORGIE
Backmasking being when you play a record backwards and it’s supposed to say something else?
CELIA
Exactly. Some people claim there’s a bit in I’m So Tired where if you play it backwards it sounds like “Paul is dead man, miss him, miss him.” And there’s another from Revolution Number 9 which apparently says “Turn me on, dead man”.
GEORGIE
Weirdly sexual but okay.
CELIA
What? You’re not hot for dead, barefoot Paul McCartney?
GEORGIE
No, and you’ll be really proud of me, because I’m actually very skeptical of backmasking.
CELIA
How come?
GEORGIE
Well, playing records backwards absolutely ruins them, right? So, say, thousands of Iowan students are all playing their records backwards to listen to secret messages in their Beatles songs, guess who has to now go and replace their Beatles albums…It’s all a con by the labels to sell more records!
CELIA
(laughs) So, you don’t believe this conspiracy, but only because you believe there’s a different, more profitable conspiracy behind it?
GEORGIE
You’ve got to admit, it makes sense.
CELIA
But then how do you explain Avril Lavigne?
GEORGIE
(sarcastically) Don’t you mean Melissa?
CELIA
Maybe! There is a theory floating around that Canadian singer-songwriter Avril Lavigne died in 2003 and was replaced by a lookalike named Melissa Vandella. At least if you believe the original source of a single Portuguese Blogspot from 2011.
GEORGIE
“Avril Esta Morta”
CELIA
That’s the one. The claim got picked up by Brazilian media then spread among English speakers after a gossip journalist posted a viral thread about it in 2017. The blog suggests that just before the release of her second album, Avril’s grandfather died, and her depression became so severe that she killed herself. Then, rather than make the death public and shelve the album, the record label convinced a decoy Avril they’d hired to completely take over her career.
GEORGIE
So Let Go, in 2002, that was Avril and then Under My Skin in 2004 and everything afterwards, that was Melissa? Not bad for a look-a-like…
CELIA
(doubtful noise) The blog does claim you can hear the difference but the whole thing rests on two clips of her singing live: one from 2002 and one from a few years afterwards.
GEORGIE
And do they sound different?
CELIA
I mean maybe? But it’s just one clip. Maybe she had laryngitis that day, or her voice was strained from touring for too long, or…
GEORGIE
Maybe she spent all day yelling at a moose?
[moose sounds]
[Beat.]
CELIA
What?
GEORGIE
She’s Canadian. Moose live in Canada. They’re pretty scary.
CELIA
Okay then yeah, I think it’s more likely her voice was tired from yelling at a moose than that she secretly died and was replaced by a clone.
GEORGIE
Any other evidence?
CELIA
I mean there’s a lot of song lyric stuff and talking about how her style has changed over time.
GEORGIE
But wasn’t she 18 when she got big, though? You’d kind of expect her style to change.
CELIA
She was 17.
GEORGIE
Exactly, god when I was 17, I said I’d never move to London, get a tattoo or start a podcast, so you can’t really-
CELIA
I didn’t know you had a tattoo?
GEORGIE
(changing subject) Mmmmm but what about this stuff about her face changing? That seems more convincing.
CELIA
You mean that plastic surgeon who claims her nose has changed shape? Because as every plastic surgeon knows, being replaced by a double is the only way that can happen.
GEORGIE
Alright but, what about her height? That used to be listed at 5’2” and now it’s changed to 5’1” as though she’s had height altering surgery…
CELIA
…or was measured wearing two different pairs of shoes…
GEORGIE
Okay fine but people have been finding new evidence and adding to the theory for years. Where does stuff like that come from, if the whole thing’s just one big shitpost?
CELIA
Well, people started calling the fake Avril “Melissa” after a photo shoot where Avril Lavigne’s holding her fist up and the word “Melissa” is written on it in felt tip. The idea was like, “oh, they’ve labelled her, so they don’t lose track of who’s who” but the photo’s clearly from around 2010, when the original Avril Lavigne’s supposed to have already been dead for 7 years!
GEORGIE
Maybe she was just proud of her name, telling everyone, “Hey, it’s me, Melissa!”
CELIA
That’s one interpretation but it doesn’t explain the surname Vandella which seems to have just come from nowhere.
GEORGIE
Sounds like a cover up to me…
CELIA
Oh Georgie, “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?”
[rimshot]
[Beat.]
CELIA
Sponsor time?
GEORGIE
Sponsor time.
[rhythmic beeping from the game Pong]
GEORGIE
The Rolling Stones. The Godfather. The Watergate Scandal.
Everyone loves a classic, but times have changed and so have videogames.
[the beeping is now jazzed up a stupid amount with extra elements and even a Wilhelm scream]
That’s why it’s finally time for the all new Pong Reloaded!, now fully remastered for next gen consoles generation, with cutting edge graphics-
CELIA
(clearly reading script) “It was incredible, I felt like I was actually in Pong.”
GEORGIE
New mechanics-
CELIA
(still reading) “Don’t forget to grab the paddle ups - there’s a fresh wave of zomballs on the way!”
[zombie growl]
GEORGIE
And a story mode that critics are calling “the greatest tragedy of our times”-
CELIA
(flat) It’s truly the Romeo and Juliet of table-tennis simulators.
GEORGIE
Pong! Reloaded: available now for console and PC.
[shotgun reload followed by Pong beep]
CELIA
So do you want to introduce Mia’s Missing, since I know how much you’ve wanted to talk about it?
GEORGIE
Oooh Yes! (spooky voice) It’s 2018 and the Riot Grrrl revival is in full swing, baggy jeans, bikinis and basslines everywhere. And nobody’s jeans were baggier nor their lines bassier than The Manic Pixie Scream Girls. Their cover of Dolly Parton’s 9-5 goes viral and they sign with Revolution Records.
CELIA
Their debut, Nowhere and Everywhere, went to number 3 in the UK, and I think number 6 in the US?
GEORGIE
Yeah, they were huge for an alternative act but then as they start promoting their second album, things get… weird.
[return of the excessive spooky sting]
CELIA
It wasn’t that weird.
GEORGIE
Oh it was weird. Everywhere they went, people would just…not recognise Mia Hill. There’s videos of people who’d definitely met her before clearly having to be told who she is at awards ceremonies and stuff.
CELIA
She dyed her hair and a couple of people didn’t recognise her at first. That’s not sinister!
GEORGIE
And what about all those websites where they captioned band photos but left her name off?
CELIA
Yeah I looked into it and it seems there’s only actually two times it happened and one of them was the Daily Mail so…
GEORGIE
Really? It felt like there were loads…
CELIA
People talk about it like there were loads but it’s always just those two misprints. Either way it’s still enough for people to start sharing the theory that the original Mia Hill had died and been replaced by a lookalike.
GEORGIE
There was so much song lyric analysis… I remember being very convinced by Six Feet Down: “So bury me deep/If it helps you sleep/You’ve tried to replace me/But you can still taste me.” And then there’s the fact that you can’t really hear Mia on any of the tracks.
CELIA
Yeah, but nothing that can’t be explained by bad production.
GEORGIE
It is a bit too coincidental, though - The not being recognised, being left out of articles, the barely audible sound - it’s all happening at the same time, and it’s only happening to Mia.
CELIA
Well, the first reference to her rumoured death is this interview in the Liverpool Echo with a cleaner at one of the hotels the Manic Pixie Scream Girls stayed in for a tour, and it was basically just gossip about the state of one of the rooms when they left. Apparently, it “looked like the site of a cage match” and the bathroom “smelled like someone had died in it.” Which seems to be enough to set all of this off.
GEORGIE
You know “Mia’s Missing” was trending on TikTok for a while?
CELIA
Yeah, most of the comments were saying things like “this is really far-fetched” or “this person’s an obvious troll” but there was a petition for a government inquiry into why the police weren’t investigating Mia Hill’s “murder”.
GEORGIE
Yeah, I never signed that petition.
CELIA
It was ridiculous!
GEORGIE
Yeah, cause either they’re not investigating because they don’t think she’s been murdered which, like, fair enough. Or they’re not investigating because whoever did it is influencing the police and so is definitely powerful enough to shut down an inquiry. Either way it’s pointless.
CELIA
Right… I mean I suppose those are both options… although I think one’s a lot more likely than the other…
GEORGIE
So who do you think did it?
CELIA
Well, nobody. I don’t think she was murdered.
GEORGIE
Sure, but if she was murdered, who’s your suspect?
CELIA
So, for any listeners who don’t know, people can’t decide if it was an obsessed fan who broke into her room, the band’s manager, Callie Jones, or one of her band mates. If I had to pick, I guess the band mate theory is the least ridiculous…
GEORGIE
Nope. It was the manager. She had access to the room, knew Mia’s schedule and Callie was always hovering around fake Mia when the rumours started. She probably found the lookalike, trained her up and was keeping an eye on her.
CELIA
But there are a lot of people that would need to be in on it: the rest of the band, the manager, the producers, friends and family, everyone involved in training the replacement… it would be a whole production.
GEORGIE
Right, but this is the entertainment industry, putting on productions is literally their job!
CELIA
I guess that’s true. Well either way, that’s us done on the Doppelgänger suite. So, what do you think? Are you convinced by any of these theories?
GEORGIE
Hmm… definitely not the Avril Lavigne one. I don’t think Paul McCartney is dead, but I think the record companies have stoked it because so many of the clues can only be found if you buy more records. As for ‘Mia’s Missing…’ I was convinced by it at the time as she really did seem different but it sounds like I’ve built it up in my memory to more than it was, so maybe not.
I think the real conspiracy is the music industry in general. How about you? Do you believe there’s a crisis of imposter celebrities?
CELIA
Unsurprisingly, I don’t, no.
GEORGIE
Then I guess that closes the case of the celeb swappers, conclusion: Singers fine, music industry sketchy.
CELIA
Sounds about right…
GEORGIE
Well thank you for bringing those three weird and wonderful conspiracies, Celia - they really… struck a chord
[rimshot]
[CELIA sighs.]
GEORGIE
So, any big plans for the weekend?
CELIA
Nothing much. You?
GEORGIE
(genuinely excited) I’m taking Captain Barker for another haircut! They give her a little bandana at the end and everything! And dog-cologne!
CELIA
…I’m sure she’ll look very dashing. But I think you need to get out more.
GEORGIE
You can talk! Anyway, join us next week for another episode and in the meantime, you can rate and review us on all your favourite podcast apps and remember: if you’re a band manager, it never hurts to keep a few lookalike agencies on speed dial!
[tacky theme tune]
ANNOUNCER
Sheeple Chase and The Magnus Protocol are podcasts distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Share-alike 4.0 International License.
Sheeple Chase was created by Sasha Sienna, directed by April Sumner, and based on the works of Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall. This episode was written by Sasha Sienna and edited with additional materials by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall, with audio edits by Nico Vettese, mastering by Meg McKellar, and music by Nico Vettese.
It featured Sasha Sienna as Georgie Barker and Lowri Ann Davies as Celia Ripley.
To subscribe, explore exclusive extras, and enjoy early access, ad-free episodes, visit members.rustyquill.com or join our Patreon. Rate and review us online, follow us on social media or email us at mail@rustyquill.com Thanks for listening.