[Show Theme - Intro]
ALEX
Hello and welcome to episode 6 of the Rusty Quill Gaming podcast! I’m your host and GM Alex Newall, and as always I have with me:
JAMES
James Ross.
BRYN
Bryn Monroe.
BEN
Ben Meredith.
LYDIA
Lydia Nicholas.
ALEX
And we’re going to do some gaming! Going round the table quickly, reminding everyone who we are, what our characters do, what their thing is. Starting with – Lydia.
LYDIA
I’m Sasha Racket. I’m an antiques appraiser by trade. More of a “stab first, ask questions later.” No, don’t ask questions, (mumbling) then you might need to make eye contact.
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
That’s me.
BEN
I’m Zolf Smith, a one-legged dwarven cleric, an ex-pirate and now mercenary “captain,” but I was doing bunny-ear quotes to that.
BRYN
My character is Hamid, the Egyptian halfling sorcerer.
JAMES
I am Sir Bertrand “Bertie” MacGuffingham, who wears armour as if he was going clubbing…
[SNICKERS]
…and likes hitting things.
ALEX
Although your armour has been a bit scuffed!
JAMES
It has been scuffed. I am outraged by this.
ALEX
Outraged by the scuffing!
JAMES
Both in and out of character. I’m quite cross.
LYDIA
Do the falcon’s eyes still glow?
JAMES
It now looks as if it’s winking at you sardonically.
[MORE LAUGHTER]
Permanently.
ALEX
So, uh…
BEN
You can use it as your wingman.
EVERYONE
Ayeeee.
LYDIA
Get out. Get out.
BRYN
I want to open a pub called the Winking Falcon.
[MORE SNICKERING]
I like that.
ALEX
So, in case you can’t remember, so last week we basically – you did a big old rescue from the fire at Lord Edison’s house. He’d revealed the Simulacrum. It had been blown up or stolen or something, by a few – people – who you proceeded to keep at bay and then they ran off. Sasha chased them, there was a cave-in. So you didn’t manage to catch hold of them.
LYDIA
(comically furious) Why I oughta…
ALEX
I know.
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
But, you guys got out. You rescued all three of the diplomats and Colgate and Byron, however Edison was blown to smithereens, as was the majority of the audience. You had gone off, found Sasha –
LYDIA
Ah yes, you went off to rescue me, whilst I rescued myself.
ALEX
Oh, they didn’t succeed!
[LAUGHTER]
They didn’t succeed in rescuing you – no, no.
BEN
You were too busy having a…
BRYN
“Rescue”? We just wanted to find you so we could reconvene and discuss the situation.
LYDIA
I’m an anti-rescuing character.
ALEX
So, anyway. Literally the last thing that’s happened, is all of you have reconvened back in the garden of Edison’s house. Haringay was there, he was asking where you all were, and you all turned up. So, speak of the devil, you have all just been reconvened at Edison’s house.
[SFX: DISTANT FIRE NOISES FADE IN]
HAMID
Well! What now?
JAMES
I’m going to look around and survey the immediate scene.
ALEX
Ah ha. So, in the garden there’s lots of servants running backwards and forwards. They’re carrying pails to try and stop it spreading through…
BRYN
The house is still on fire.
ALEX
Oh the house is, the house is ablaze. It’s spread from the large music room – has clearly spread throughout the rest of the building. There doesn’t appear to be anyone in there. You see a few of Haringay’s men are pulling out what are the few remaining survivors that were in the music room you couldn’t get to, sort of in the wine cellar, things like that. They’re pulling them out through the cellar door.
However, as they pull out the last one there’s a big (makes crashing noise) and the lintel collapses. It seems like everyone who could get out really is, and there’s no one in the upper windows or anything like that, but it’s rapidly engulfing what’s left of the house. Looking sort of down the side you can just see amongst the smoke what looks like a fire engine has pulled up, with a mechanical pump and that kind of thing. And they’re starting to try and douse it but it’s very clear that all of the efforts right now are to stop it spreading to the buildings on either side.
This – Edison’s house is gone. Like, it’s consumed the first three floors and is powering towards the fourth, and the roof is starting to cave in as it is. Haringay is stood, sort of surveying all of the rest of the people. He’s occasionally giving the terse command. Mostly he seems to just be a still point for other people to kind of focus around. He’s nearby you guys currently.
BEN
I shall walk up to Haringay.
ZOLF
Sergeant, anything else we can do?
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Well, give me a second, Zolf. So, who is left?
ALEX (SOMEONE ELSE)
Well there’s you, sir.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Well, I know, but I mean who else?
ALEX (SOMEONE ELSE)
Pretty certain you’re in charge, sir.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Right, er… carry on. Zolf, you and your band, with me – quick.
ALEX
He, er, sort of gestures over and basically walks down the path towards what looks like an ornate shed or gazebo, something similar.
BEN
Cool, so I’m gonna be like, “Guys over here.” And stomp off.
LYDIA
We follow awkwardly, trying to walk slowly enough.
[LAUGHTER]
BEN
Yeah.
JAMES
It’s like going shopping with my mum.
ALEX
With your one-legged dwarven mother.
JAMES
My mum would travel at about the same speed Zolf does, when going shopping.
ALEX
That’s a very specific clarification.
JAMES
I thought, well it’s not observational humour if other people don’t share the frame of reference, and now I’ve shared that frame of reference, everyone can enjoy it.
[LAUGHTER]
ALEX
So…
JAMES
I love my mum very much, in case anyone’s wondering.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
Carry on.
ALEX
So, you join under the gazebo and basically Haringay is striding perfectly confidently until he gets to the gazebo. Once once he’s sort of rounded the corner and he’s slightly out of sight of everyone:
ALEX (HARINGAY)
(low, urgent) Zolf, I’ve, um – alright, I’m going to need your help, specifically all the rest of you. You guys have proven yourself capable. Um, that thing, that – whatever the thing was.
HAMID
Simulacrum?
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Yeah, that. I can’t have that in my city. I can’t have that loose in my city, and currently I only can hope that it’s been destroyed. Erm. I…
SASHA
It hasn’t. I-I saw them take it.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Right. So, how did they do it? I mean, I wasn’t in there. All I know is that it was there and then it –
ZOLF
Sergeant, first of all we’re going to have to discuss payment.
[BEAT]
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Fair. Fair. Well I believe the original agreed sum was a little more than five gold. To be honest I’m going to be giving you some danger money on top of that, which will bring it much closer to the 50. Can I finish finding out what happened to the Sim…?
HAMID
Simulacrum.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
(simultaneously) The thing.
[HAMID SIGHS QUIETLY]
SASHA
Well, when I say I saw them taking it – I just saw them, and then there were tunnels, and there’s a bunch of cellars.
HAMID
They seem to have laid explosive chargers under the stage. I mean there was no sign of pieces of the machine anywhere in the music room, so it must have dropped through the hole.
SASHA
Yeah, and then they went down a tunnel and I followed them, and I went through about like – there were like, cellar and then another, you know the cellar, (stumbling) and then another cellar, you know?
HAMID
They tunnelled. They tunnelled under several houses.
SASHA
Yes! and then, and then I was getting there – honest I was trying – and then bang! You know? And then that was – and they’d gone, yeah, it was like that.
HAMID
Well, we can try and pick up the trail again. We took some down inside. Did any of them – are any of them still alive? There might be survivors?
ALEX
He sort of gestures back to the house, which is slowly caving in on itself.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
I’ll be able to tell you in a week once we’ve gone through what’s left under the rubble.
I’m going to be honest, I can’t spare any men on this chase right now. I could do with you guys looking into this.
HAMID
Well, we’re mercenaries, so if that’s the job we’re paid for, we’ll do it.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Let’s put it this way, you guys know how much that thing was worth. I can certainly make sure that the pay for recovering it, or at the very least finding out what happened to it, should substantially reflect the value of the thing that you’re looking for.
ZOLF
So, when will we receive the payment?
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Well, here’s your 50 now.
ALEX
He basically reaches behind him and plucks out from what is clearly like his own like commissioner’s thing. He just plucks it, takes out a few gold, puts them in his pocket and then hands over the pouch to Zolf.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
There’s the 50 agreed. (draws breath) I don’t know what I can muster for the payment until frankly I’ve had a bit more time. I don’t know if you are aware there’s a house burning down about 30 feet away?
HAMID
I think the sergeant’s word will be good enough.
ZOLF
Mhm.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Have I ever stopped you before? Basically I want to know what happened to it.
ZOLF
Right.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
If you can bring the thing back, bring it back. If you can bring me the guys that – did this, even better. Don’t kill them if you can help it.
ALEX
He quietly looks around and looks back.
ALEX (HARINGAY)
I don’t think anyone’ll cry if they didn’t make it. I’m going to be frank: same for the machine. I don’t like it. I don’t want it in this city. But, it’s not my place to call policy. So, if you find it, bring it back. If it’s destroyed, prove to me it’s destroyed, that’s fine too.
ZOLF
Alright. Well, we’re on it, then.
I guess – Sasha, where did we lose the trail?
SASHA
Well, there’s a, like you know, shops where they sell, like, dresses, but like, not, but for men you know? So it’s round the corner.
ZOLF
A tailor?
SASHA
Yes. And, so I came up through the you know, the basement?
ZOLF
Yeah.
SASHA
And that was the last place, before you know, it exploded.
ZOLF
Right, I guess.
ALEX
There’s a call from further up the garden and Haringay just goes –
ALEX (HARINGAY)
Look, I’m going to have to leave this with you guys. Zolf, you know you can find me at the station.
ZOLF
Yep, we’ll get the job done.
HAMID
Let – I mean, let’s just see if any of them came out there. We’re dragging bodies out of the music room. Maybe someone who was involved was dragged out as well and no one’s realised yet?
SASHA
Like the one you dropped a piano on?
HAMID
Yeah.
ZOLF
I don’t think he made it.
[A FEW SNORTS]
SASHA
He’s fairly recognisable though, innit?
HAMID
Well, just if any of them are still alive, that’s a place to start questioning –
ALEX
Haringay has already sort of headed off into the garden, to carry on coordinating what’s left of the sort of salvage approach I suppose.
HAMID
I mean other than that, yeah, I guess we go back to the cellars and start investigating there, but I don’t know about the rest of you but it’s been a really long day. And I’m quite tired.
ZOLF
(sighing) The trail will go cold though. We need to get on there.
HAMID
We can’t wait till tomorrow morning? It’s already quite late in the day.
BEN
…What, what –
JAMES
What time is it?
LYDIA
Yeah!
ALEX
So, all things considered it is coming on to late afternoon. Your interview for Bertie was coming towards lunchtime so you’re looking at around a, 6:00pm, something like that. I can understand why it’d feel like a long day, especially for Hamid of all people.
BRYN
I still think it’s the day before, because I was in a casino all night.
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
You may remember from episode 1.
ALEX
But yeah, so it’s coming on towards evening, but it’s still summer, so the sun’s still up.
HAMID
I mean, I was hit with a couple of grenades and I know that…
BERTIE
Well, my armour is slightly dirty. So… you know.
ALEX
As he says that one of the eyes just pwoosh – explodes out.
BERTIE
Look, he’s sad!
HAMID
But weren’t you also injured in the fight previously, as well?
BERTIE
Oh, a mere scrape. I shall, I shall, I shall – I’ll walk it off. That’ll be fine.
HAMID
I’m just not feeling so great.
ZOLF
Maybe we should just do some recon? If we leave it, we might lose the trail and then we’ll never get paid.
SASHA
Let’s, let’s…
HAMID
(a bit flat, dejected) Okay.
SASHA
His plan was good but someone who ain’t me should ask the questions.
ZOLF
Hamid?
HAMID
Well, let’s just quickly look through. Are there any of the attack team amongst the, amongst the survivors?
ALEX
Okay, so presumably you’re heading back up closer towards the house where they’re sort of laying bodies and so on.
BRYN
Yeah.
JAMES
If in the process of this, if there is some possibility that I might healed for the small amount of damage that I’ve received rather down to 9 hit points in 13, I wouldn’t say no!
BRYN
I’m down to 3 hit points from 7.
JAMES
Cry me a river. Cry me a tiny, tiny puddle.
BEN
Heh heh. Luckily, I am… (louder) oh, no. What spells have I used?
ALEX
Remember you haven’t, you haven’t…
BEN
No, what spells have I used?
ALEX
Off the top of my head, you used Summon Monster, that one’s already been burned.
BEN
Yeah.
ALEX
And you’d already used this, obviously. That’s already been burned.
BEN
Yeah.
ALEX
You also used one other. Just to…
BEN
That’s three.
ALEX
Just to spell that out again what he does – is the Cleric’s ability is that they can prepare spells like other magic users, but they can then trade those spells instead for extra healing, which is why they’re like the core support character.
BRYN
Yeah. I mean one of the reasons that I am suggesting, you know, leaving the start of the investigation tomorrow, is that I’ve used 3 of my 4 first level spells for the day.
BEN
Ah, okay.
ZOLF
(draws breath) Alright you two, just hold still for a bit.
BEN
And I will use my two remaining daily spells and convert them into Cure Light Wounds, for these guys.
ALEX
Okay, so roll the Heals.
BEN
To just describe how my Cure Light Wounds looks again. It’s like I did with the Stabilise, I’ve got a small, what are they called? Waterskin, of saltwater which I pour on the wound while muttering some sort of… catechisms?
ALEX
Ooh, good word!
BEN
It is a catechism, isn’t it? Like a little religious mantra?
JAMES
It sounds surprisingly like a rude seizure.
[LAUGHTER]
BEN
Aaah, oooh, they might do now…
JAMES
Just a bit of flavour.
BEN
It’s a dirty sea-based limerick.
[MORE LAUGHTER]
LYDIA
Poseidon loves them.
JAMES
“There was a man from Nantucket,” yeah.
ALEX
Cure Light Wounds, channelling positive energy cures one D8 points of damage plus one per caster level to a minimum of one.
BEN
Cool.
ALEX
And obviously if you’re healing undead things, it’s actually hurting them because they’re powered by that energy.
BEN
So, for James, it is…
[DICE ROLLS]
(cheerful) Eight hit points back.
JAMES
Lovely, I’m back up to 13.
BEN
Yeah. Bryn.
[DICE ROLLS]
Five hit points back.
BRYN
(flat and drawn out) Yay, that’s all of them.
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
ALEX
Okay. So…
BEN
(cheering) Clerics!
JAMES
Is my armour in any way affected, or do I still look like I’ve been a bit bashed up?
ALEX
Sooty. There is…
HAMID
Oh, I can fix that for you.
BRYN
I cast Prestidigitation! It can affect other people as well.
ALEX
Prestidigitation can, but its effects are temporary, depending on what effects of these – the cleaning is permanent. So yeah, the first thing he does is – actually, describe how you cast Prestidigitation.
BRYN
Um… Oh, I haven’t really thought about that. I…
JAMES
Wax on, wax off?
BEN
Another dirty limerick?
[LAUGHTER]
BRYN
No, that…
BEN
The magic in this world is powered purely by dirty limericks.
BRYN
Definitely not a dirty limerick.
JAMES
It would have to be a clean limerick if you’re going to be cleaning…
BEN
Aaaah.
BRYN
I normally just sort of, you know, when it’s myself I just, I kind of like just wave my hands. But I, I, yeah – I mean it’s all, it’s basically all about sleight of hand. So I probably just – I’ll probably just walk up to you, pull a handkerchief out of my sleeve, which definitely wasn’t there a second before, and just sort of wave it at you gently?
[ALEX SNICKERS]
I, I’m not putting any like elbow grease into this and yet the, the mere brush of my handkerchief seems to create a sparkle on your…
BEN
That is the most effete casting effect.
BRYN
Yes.
[ALEX STARTS CACKLING IN HONEST]
JAMES
Yeah. So my armour is very faded but…
ALEX
Your armour is…
BRYN
Effete is a good word.
ALEX
Your armour is now gleaming.
JAMES
Yep.
ALEX
There is a light dent on one of your shoulder… pads, I suppose you’d call it.
BRYN(?)
Pauldron is the technical term, isn’t it?
ALEX
Pauldron! Yeah, thank you. And your, one of the eyes from the eagle have been blown out.
JAMES
Okay.
ALEX
But…
JAMES
Falcon.
ALEX
Falcon? Goodness me, I’m, I’m terrible.
JAMES
It’s alright.
ALEX
I’m terrible. But, yeah, so your pauldron’s dented, and your falcon is winking.
JAMES
Falcon is winking. Okay.
BEN
Surveying Sir Bertie in his new gleaming state.
ZOLF(?)
Might want to get an eye patch for that, actually. Make you look a bit more intimidating.
ALEX
So, drawing near to the, back to where they’ve been laying out bodies and so on. You see that there are – a few of the guests are actually alright. Definitely there’s some concussions going around. One person appears to be looking forward to an amputation of their arm.
BEN
Are they looking forward to it?
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
ALEX
Aaah…
BEN
“Oh boy, oh boy!”
ALEX
I mean…
BRYN
“Finally I can get a peg leg too!”
ALEX
I may have been a bit ironic there but, yeah, their hand’s been a bit mangled by some masonry. There’s some medics – looks like some police medics – are running around sorting people. There’s a few bodies that have basically already been covered by jackets and similar…
BRYN
I mean the issue for us is, are all these people clearly guests – you know from their dress – are they all guests of the party or are any of them…
ALEX
Certainly all of the ones that…
BRYN
They were disguised waiters or something, weren’t they?
ALEX
So, most of the people who were sort of still kicking, as it were, are clearly like the, the cream of London society. Of the bodies, there are ‘bout six who are laid out, what look like a few more that just haven’t been you know, examined yet and given at least a covering…
BRYN
Pronounced?
ALEX
Yeah, pronounced, that’s the phrase. Of the ones that are pronounced you see that at least… one of them, maybe two of them may have been wearing white trousers similar to what the servants were wearing? It’s hard to tell. Everything’s soot-blackened and things like that.
JAMES
I realise it’s Bertie that is going to be attempting this Perception check.
[SNICKERS]
But could I see if I, if I recognise any of the bodies from any of the people that I was fighting earlier?
ALEX
Yeah, go for it. Roll me a Perception check.
[DICE ROLLS]
BRYN
The most gruesome and most common thing to do in a mercenary’s life? Search the bodies.
JAMES
Fifteen minus 1 is 14.
ALEX
Down to 14. You – from this distance – you just discern more or less what I’ve just told you. Is that one of at least, I’d say one of two of them may very well be the guy that you dropped a piano on. But from this distance he’s covered, you can’t really tell.
JAMES
You’ll have to prod him with a stick and see if any keys fall out, is that?
LYDIA
Sorry, so I was going to plan to sneak up there and rifle through the pockets without anyone noticing – the dead ones.
BRYN
It’s in – we’re the official investigating team – we don’t need to do it.
LYDIA
Aw, but that’s all I’m good at!
[A FEW CHUCKLES]
Don’t I need to sneak a bit?
BEN
People look at you like, I’m practising.
[LAUGHTER]
LYDIA
Yeah, okay.
JAMES
Well let’s go and, let’s go and search through the bodies and have a look at closer quarters then.
LYDIA
I walk like someone with too many limbs, slightly… slightly unused to the idea of just brazenly going up and taking a thing.
BEN
Like, is someone going to arrest me or…?
LYDIA
What do I do with my hands?!
[LAUGHTER]
BRYN
What if I had a mug? What if I had two mugs?!
LYDIA
But I’d hold my clothes sort of awkwardly and like, where do my hands go?
ALEX
Okay.
LYDIA
Stare at the police.
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
ALEX
You’re the shiftiest official person I’ve ever heard of.
LYDIA
Just stare at them.
BEN
Like you’re filling in a form and handing it in – (menacing) “you didn’t see nothin’, right?”
ALEX
“But this is a witness form! I don’t understand!”
[MORE LAUGHTER]
So, you head up to the body – bodies, I should say. There’s six of them. Presumably you are pulling the covers from the two that looked like…
BRYN
Yeah. I mean I might just check the others just to confirm that they are…
ALEX
Yeah.
BRYN
…they look like guests or not.
ALEX
Sure. Working from right to left then. Amongst the four who just are guests – yeah, it’s – they seem certainly to be. One of them, their eyes are very badly burned. Another one appears to be sort of crushed in the torso. A couple of others have burns and things like that, and one like…
BRYN
Hamid does not look well.
ALEX
Yeah, they – it’s a bit grisly.
LYDIA
Of the guests…
ALEX
Mm hmm.
LYDIA
(slowly) …how many have nice jewellery?
ALEX
Upon those?
LYDIA
Yeeees.
ALEX
One of them appears to be a woman with a turtle brooch.
LYDIA
(unimpressed) Mmm.
ALEX
And then a couple of the others have rings on them, quite minor. There’s no one particularly flashy.
LYDIA
Can I, can I check them for magic devices? Just in case there’s anything useful.
ALEX
Do you have Detect Magic?
LYDIA
I have – ah no, it’s Magic Devices, not…
ALEX
You have Use Magic Device, yeah?
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
So you could have – off the top of my head – you could appraise the things that they own, to see if they are worth anything…
LYDIA
(laughing) I’m very good at appraising.
ALEX
But, when it comes to actually like telling if it’s magical, that’s not actually appraise. Like you may be able to – obviously it’s glowing and it says, (ominous hiss) “Take me”…
[LAUGHTER]
Then yeah, it’s probably magical but you wouldn’t know what it does, you wouldn’t know how to use it, things like that. You’d have to figure it out.
LYDIA
Sorry, where is detect magic on…?
BRYN
It’s not a skill, it’s a spell.
LYDIA
Ohhhh. Then, no.
ALEX
In this world – Hamid would already know this – the way that magic that’s written looks, is it looks like letters that are changing shape and rewriting themselves in real time. So for anyone who’s not trained in it, it looks like it’s saying one thing and then half a second later it’s saying something else. And it’s like a magic eye picture. Is that anyone who has Detect Magic is actually just learning to kind of see past the words, and that’s how they sort of read it.
So I’m afraid you wouldn’t be able to tell if they’ve got magic on them.
LYDIA
Well I’m not going to just have rings, they’re just – they get in the way.
[SNICKERS]
No point.
ALEX
Heading across to the remaining two bodies. You see one of them appears to be a servant who was serving canapes. Again, they also seem to have been crushed by something. And then you flip over the last one, and they’re certainly wearing the clothing of the people who were in the music room. But their face is in such a state it’s kind of hard to tell.
BRYN
Yeah, um. Yeah, rifle through their pockets. Look for anything. Do they have weapons? I mean, they had grenades on them.
ALEX
(enthusiastic) Mhm, mhm!.
BRYN
A few probably still had some.
ALEX
So he has upon him what’s left of the bandolier, so there’s two of those sort of fire flasks in there. There’s also a – he’s wearing what looks like a leather cuirass under the shirt. He’s got a sort of shoulder holster holding a short sword that he could have hidden under a large jacket. Also tinder twigs – effectively matches. Yeah, it’s…
LYDIA
Some kind of, like, pseudo-medieval dating service?
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
You break it and it shows you the hot men nearby.
BEN
As a magical inventor, I’m definitely going to do that.
ALEX
You also find a thunderstone, and…
JAMES
What is a thunderstone?
ALEX
I will…
BEN
Is it like a thundercat?
ALEX
A thunderstone – you can throw this stone as a ranged attack, with a range increment of 20 feet – and when it strikes a hard surface, or is hit hard in your hand, it creates a deafening bang that’s a Sonic Attack. Each creature in 10 foot must make a DC15 fortitude save or be Deafened for one hour.
BEN
Wow!
ALEX
A Deafened creature, in addition to the obvious effects, takes a minus 4 penalty on Initiative, has a 20% chance to miscast and lose any spell with a verbal component that it tries to cast. And you don’t need to hit a specific target, you can just aim at a 5 foot square. So the AC of the 5 foot square is only 5.
LYDIA
Does it also affect the person that throws it?
ALEX
Anyone.
BRYN
It’ll depend how far away.
ALEX
Each creature within a 10 foot radius.
LYDIA
Yeah, yeah, but –
ALEX
So if – let’s say that you dropped it…
LYDIA
Like your Fireball does, you know, you don’t tend to burn yourself, right?
ALEX
No, a Fireball would hurt everyone that he aims it at.
LYDIA
Oh, so even if…
BRYN
If I aim a Fireball at my own feet…
LYDIA
Right, then…
BRYN
(matter-of-fact) …I would not do that.
[LAUGHTER]
ALEX
In the rules, how it spells it out differently is any time it says ‘enemies’ it means it wouldn’t affect your friends. If it says ‘creatures’ it means anything – friend or foe – it will affect them. So if you’re in 10 foot of this thing and it goes off, you’re deaf for – what was it – an hour?
BRYN
Well, unless you make your save.
ALEX
Yeah, unless you make your Fortitude save. And in fairness the Fortitude save isn’t huge, but it’s really good…
BRYN
It’s still tough for a first level character.
ALEX
It’s, it – for a first level character it’s pretty tough – it’d be great if there’s a large group of people, because the chances are you’re going to deafen and disorientate a good chunk of them.
BEN
So I’m just thinking about the Fortitude save on the Deafening, it’s just your eardrums flexing.
[LAUGHTER]
LYDIA
So who is doing…
JAMES
I’ve got brave ears!
LYDIA
Who is finding this stuff in there? Is it Hamid that’s doing the searching?
ALEX
You guys tell me.
LYDIA
Because you said that you would.
BEN
I, well I’m standing back a bit.
BRYN
I declared it. Yeah, I’m probably kind of finding what’s there and passing it on so we can all work out what it is…
ALEX
Well, all of this stuff was very obviously in parts, to be clear about that.
BRYN
Yeah. So, so leather cuirass, had a shortsword.
ALEX
There was, and…
BRYN
Is there any distinguishing marks? Do you want me to make an actual Perception check, to –?
ALEX
If you give me a Perception check I’ll certainly start discussing things, if they’ve got hidden pockets and things.
[DICE ROLLS]
BRYN
Good roll, Bryn.
BEN
Womp womp.
ALEX
What did you roll?
BRYN
Three plus 6 is 9.
ALEX
You find what you can.
BRYN
Yeah.
LYDIA
Can I…?
[DICE ROLLS]
ALEX
Yeah, sure.
LYDIA
Ah, 7 plus 6, so 13.
ALEX
Thirteen, what was it yours?
BRYN
Nine.
ALEX
Anyone else want to take a turn? But I mean ultimately…
BERTIE
Stand aside, everyone! Something needs noticing!
[CACKLES]
ALEX
Do you know what? Roll it but…
[DICE ROLLS]
JAMES
Eleven, minus 1 is 10.
[MORE CACKLING]
BERTIE
He looks like he’s been in the wars!(?)
ALEX
I’m going to be honest, right. At this point Zolf, you’ve seen Hamid search, Sasha going, “I think I know what I’m doing.” He’s correct doing, “Ahh, a person!”
BRYN
Are there any distinguishing marks of any kind on the cuirass or the shortsword?
ALEX
There are no distinguishing marks. You see that the shortsword has been soot-blackened to remove its glean, things like that. Sasha, do you have Knowledge: Local?
LYDIA
Yes.
ALEX
Give me a Knowledge: Local roll.
[DICE ROLLS]
LYDIA
(quiet) Oh, God. (louder) So that’s 7 and plus 7, 14.
ALEX
14, yeah?
LYDIA
Is that enough?
ALEX
That’s actually enough for this bit.
LYDIA
(laughing) Right.
ALEX
Okay.
LYDIA
I’ll do better next time, if that expression means anything.
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
So, the fact that he’s soot-blackened his sword, also the nature of gear that he’s having, you would place a middling bet that he probably has come from Other London.
LYDIA
Mmm.
ALEX
Just that kind of, that way of operating, you know, getting rid of the gleam of your clothes.
LYDIA
Mm hmm.
ALEX
I mean, concealed weapons screams Other London.
LYDIA
Not that much gleams down there.
ALEX
Yeah.
BRYN
I will cast Detect Magic to see if he has anything magical on him. I don’t know if the alchemical weapons would show up on that, but –?
ALEX
These would. The thunderstone I believe would, but only the thunderstone. How do you cast it? (mischievous) You’ve not cast it yet, so I want to know what it looks like.
BRYN
It’s actually, it’s the opposite of most of my spells. I mean it’s in no way flashy or interesting. I actually had to step back, and calm myself down, and close my eyes.
ALEX
(fascinated) Oh.
BRYN
It’s almost meditative…
ALEX
Okay.
BRYN
…briefly. And then I kind of resume and it’s, and basically it starts glowing to me, it’s magical.
ALEX
Ah, okay. And so, we’ll leave that for a moment.
BRYN
Yeah.
BERTIE
Hamid, wake up, Hamid.
[SNICKERS]
Wake up. Don’t fall asleep, Hamid. Wake up Hamid.
HAMID
You see, I’m, I’m –
BERTIE
Wake up. Wake up Hamid. Wake up.
HAMID
(trying to get in a word edgewise) I’m finding out if he has anything magical, Bertie.
BERTIE
Oh.
[MORE SNICKERS]
HAMID
It’s a spell.
BERTIE
Cool.
ALEX
You quickly…
JAMES
I – just to give you a sense of what Bertie is doing at this point. He’s now flexing his armour in the sun, looking flash.
[A FEW SNORTS]
I just wanted to make – let everyone know what he’s doing, because…
ALEX
Okay.
JAMES
…he thinks that that’s quite important. Carry on.
ALEX
So, you find the only magical item upon that person was the thunderstone.
BRYN
– Is the thunderstone, sure.
ALEX
Obviously it has a bit of a range to it rather than it just being you pick a person?
BRYN
Yes.
ALEX
The turtle brooch appears to be magical in some way. And, let’s assume that you are casting your eyes around.
BRYN
Yeah.
ALEX
So, looking at the guests you see there’s a decent amount of magical items.
BRYN
I mean these are important rich people. They’re likely to have some?
ALEX
They – yeah, they would.
BRYN
I mean I’m not going to loot a magical turtle brooch from around a body, and I’m probably not going to bother mentioning that it’s magical. I don’t know why I would.
ALEX
That’s fair. But yeah, looking around there’s certainly a decent amount of magic. There’s some – actually quite potent magical items on some of the, the wealthy. Not surprisingly, the wealthiest-looking ones also seem to be the least hurt by the situation.
BRYN
Anything that strikes me as unusual? Probably not?
ALEX
Not really, yeah.
SASHA
(low) Why are you picking up a pebble? That’s just a stone. Why…
HAMID
It’s an…
SASHA
Cos we were looking for clues.
HAMID
It’s a…
SASHA
Why the stone?
HAMID
It’s actually a…
SASHA
Is the stone a clue?
HAMID
It’s actually called a thunderstone.
SASHA
Uh-huh.
HAMID
It’s a weapon.
SASHA
Right.
HAMID
If you throw it at something it makes a very loud noise and it deafens people nearby.
BERTIE
Loud noises, you say?
ALEX
Bertie, give me a Perception check.
[DICE ROLLS]
JAMES
Twelve minus 1 is 11.
ALEX
Erm…
JAMES
I’ve noticed I’m outside!
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
You’ve also noticed: two darkly dressed gnomes are sort of standing off aside from the garden. They’re holding briefcases. They, they just seem to be surveying everything.
BEN
Uh oh – lawyers.
[BEAT]
JAMES
Ambulance chasers!
LYDIA
I move behind Bertie, so he is between me and the gnomes.
ALEX
They just share a little curt nod with Bertie, look at the rest of you, give a polite little nod, and then wander off down the garden to where the gazebo was.
ZOLF
So Hamid, you might want to keep hold of that stuff. You seem to know what it is.
HAMID
Yeah. Like I said, it’s possible we might be able to track down a manufacturer or, or maybe where they were purchased? I mean if there was a whole team of them and they all had this much equipment, that would have been quite a large order I’d think.
ZOLF
Oh actually, one thing.
BEN
Go up to the body of the guy that was being inspected and just flip him over, and check the back of his neck for any tattoos or anything like that.
ALEX
Uh-huh. You… looking around the neck, you don’t see anything? You do see a tattoo at the beginning of his shoulder though.
BEN
Ah cool! Rip open his shirt.
ALEX
And so, basically yeah, tearing up – you find on his right bicep, quite a large tattoo. It appears to be quite unusual. You, Zolf, recognise it as a brand rather than a tattoo. It is the shape of – it looks like a many-pointed irregular star surrounded by a circle or something. Sasha, I’ll give you from the Knowledge: Local that you did earlier –
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
Certainly there have been groups that have been rumoured to do this kind of thing in Other London. I mean, there’s rumours of most things in Other London. But nothing specific springs to mind. What I can say is you know that’s not a mark of any of the major players.
ZOLF
This mean anything to you?
SASHA
Well some of the stuff like the, like muckin’ up our swords and stuff, is something that – I mean, their swords –
[A FEW SOFT SNICKERS FROM PLAYERS]
Is what some people – like, I’ve heard, just not on the street but like in nice houses where people live, that people in Other London might do – not that I’d know.
ZOLF
What about the brand? Is it a gang sign or something?
SASHA
I don’t know it…
ZOLF
Fair enough.
SASHA
…specific.
BRYN
Can I use Knowledge: Arcana to check if it has any Arcane significance?
ALEX
Sure.
[DICE ROLLS]
BRYN
Three plus 7 – 10!
BEN
Changing the dice did not help you.
BRYN
No!
[LAUGHTER]
ALEX
It does not, it does not seem to have anything to…
LYDIA
The, the dice seem to know it’s the end of a long day for us.
[LAUGHTER]
BEN
A – a conveyor belt of failed dice.
JAMES
Long shot, Knowledge: Nobility to see if it has any…
[SPUTTERS OF LAUGHTER]
ALEX
(sighing) Alright!
JAMES
At the very least eliminating it as a possibility.
[DICE ROLLS]
That is 6… plus 7 is 13.
ALEX
No, the moderately-equipped seeming assassin-slash-thief does not…
BRYN
With the branded –
BEN
That would be amazing.
ALEX
With the branded arm does not seem to be a…
JAMES
Fallen on very hard times.
[MORE LAUGHTER]
BEN
So I’m thinking…
BRYN
Branded his family crest into his own shoulder.
JAMES
They were circus people, mostly!
BEN
I’ll have a rummage in my pack, bring out a notebook and just note down what the brand looks like, so that I’ve got a written record of it.
ALEX
Sure.
LYDIA
Alright, so.
HAMID
I think we’ve learnt as much as we can here. Maybe we should head down to the cellars and see if there any other clues to find down there?
ZOLF
Yeah, so to quickly, quickly sum up. So you reckon that he’s probably come from Other London?
SASHA
It’s just, it’s something that they definitely do down there. But then like, I don’t know if in other cities they have – like, they might do the similar sorts of things?
ZOLF
Sure.
SASHA
It’s a gang thing.
ZOLF
But given that we’re in London, probably?
SASHA
It’s likely.
ZOLF
Is any…
BERTIE
Odds of Other Birmingham seem slim to none!
ZOLF
So we got that brand, probably quite a reasonably prescient(?) outfit given the hardware they’ve got.
HAMID
I would think so.
ZOLF
Yeah, so. Okay, let’s yeah, let’s go to the cellar and see what’s, what’s going on there.
LYDIA
Right. So is, I lead them back to the tailor, I guess?
ALEX
Sure.
BEN
I think he was a milliner, actually.
LYDIA
I do not know the difference.
JAMES
A milliner is like a tailor, but for heads.
LYDIA
Ah, cheers, Bertie.
ALEX
Okay, so you’re heading off towards the tailor and now seems like a good moment for a break actually, so if you all hang around here, we’ll do a break and be back in a couple of minutes.
[AD BREAK]
ALEX
And welcome back! So yeah, you’re heading off to the tailor’s I believe?
SASHA
Yeah. Like, so it’s round this corner and then there’s a small man – scared man – and he’s just, (stammers for a while) there he is.
ZOLF
Sounds like a tailor in a crisis.
SASHA
Yeah.
ALEX
So yeah, you head basically out through the back garden rather than around the house. The thing’s collapsing. It hasn’t collapsed yet, it’s clear that if there’s anything still left standing the first thing that rescue crew’s going to do is bring it down so it doesn’t fall on anyone else.
So you head out from the garden just up along that side alley.
[FIRE SOUNDS FADE, REPLACED BY QUIET SOUNDS OF PEOPLE TALKING]
The crowd’s mostly dispersed by this point. The fire crews have pushed everyone back. The fact that none of the guards are stopping you means that the fire crew just decide you’re meant to be there and just don’t interfere. So yeah, you head down those couple of side streets and you get to the tailor’s shop.
You pointed him out – he is actually – he’s on the street holding about 6 or 7 bolts of very posh cloth, a couple of which are just trailing in the dirt around him. And he’s just faffing because he doesn’t really know what to do with himself. His shop appears to be locked, with a little Closed sign…
BRYN
What’s the name on the shop?
ALEX
Oh, Willikins and Brothers.
BRYN
I cast… Charm Person.
ALEX
Okay, one sec.
[BEAT]
Okay so, he’s stood there fretting and he’s holding these bolts going, “Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my.”
BRYN
So, when I cast Charm Person I sort of, I adjust myself just to make sure I look immaculate as always. And I have a very, a very faint glow. And it’s almost like there’s suddenly a little heat haze around me?
ALEX
Like a, like a glamour?
BRYN
Yeah. It’s sort of, it’s sort of like glamour. And I have to approach him and make eye contact.
ALEX
Okay.
BRYN
And I, and I, so I go,
HAMID
(enthusiastic) Willikins! It’s so good to see you again!
ALEX
Okay, so he’s, he’s fretting. He goes…
BRYN
He does get a Will save, I believe.
ALEX
He does. So, if you bear with me. He sort of, he’s fretting and he looks at you and he goes,
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
(very rushed, panicked) Sorry I, I don’t, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m – can I help you? I mean, what –
HAMID
You don’t recall? Oh never mind. Yes, we just wanted to chat to you for a little while! Why don’t we go inside your shop where it will be more comfortable? (soothing) There’s no need to fret.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
I’m not entirely sure…
ALEX
From the outside how many – it looks like the guy’s had a deceptively strong resistance to you. It’s almost like someone who professionally is lovely and friendly to people so that they buy things, is going to be a little bit more resistant to it.
BRYN
Fair.
ALEX
But he’s mostly just stood there fretting, holding them and then he sees Sasha and he goes,
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Oh, oh! You’re alright, then!
SASHA
Yeah, like so we went and we checked the house. It’s all good, it’s all good. The fire crew is totally sorted.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Ah, right.
SASHA
Nice hats.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
(like an afterthought) – Oh, thank you.
BERTIE
Those really are charming hats you’ve got there!
JAMES
Bertie starts laying it on thick with the charm, trying to praise the hats and blah blah blah.
ALEX
Roleplay it!
BERTIE
Well, you know, that is super. That one in particular – that top hat – that really is splendid. You know that is, it’s like an obsidian cylinder – really very, very fine craftsmanship. Well done you.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Well, thank you sir. (little laugh) Yes – yes, I have to say this one particularly takes a long time to make. We actually use shellac, a very specific type of beetle. And you say the fire was…
SASHA
It’s fine, like, good – I mean it’s bad, but they’re doing, you know, the fire crew, they’re there, it’s fine.
ZOLF
It’s going out.
SASHA
That’s the word.
ZOLF
It won’t spread.
SASHA
Yeah.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
You know what, I, I, I’m looking round and I don’t think it’s, it’s don’t think it’s going to be too much of a problem. If you’ll excuse me I think I’m going to head inside, I’m trailing, I’m trailing.
SASHA
(slowly) Could we, like… also go inside. And like, check.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
The stock? Oh yes, of course, of course!
ZOLF
We’re – we’re part of the investigation team about what happened at Lord Edison’s place, and we need access to your cellar to continue our investigations.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Oh!
BERTIE
Official business, my good man. I’m sure you understand?
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Oh, yes. (stammering) Yes, yes!
SASHA
Official.
ALEX
He goes over to the door and sort of plucks out a tiny little dainty – that lock’s clearly not doing anything – unlocks his shop door, comes in, sort of invites you in –
[SOUNDS OF PEOPLE FADE TO LOW HUM]
And comes over and plonks, plonks lots of the bolts of cloth onto the counter top. Starts mopping his brow.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Anything I can do to help, obviously.
ZOLF
Open your cellar?
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Right, yes. So, so you said you were with the police?
ALEX
He heads round to the back of his counter and lifts up the trapdoor.
ZOLF
(carefully) Yeah.
SASHA
…I mean it’s not like we’re police but we’re like, um, mates…
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Right…?
SASHA
…of the police.
HAMID
We’re an official investigation team.
ZOLF
That, basically.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Okay…?
BERTIE
Unencumbered by the dead hand of state control.
HAMID
We don’t need to explain the specifics to Mr Willikins here.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Well, nonetheless, that’s the…
BEN
If you need confirmation speak to Sergeant Haringay.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Sergeant – Haringay. Right, thank you. Thank you. Please, after you, ladies and gentlemen.
SASHA
Cheers mate.
BERTIE
Good day.
LYDIA
Climb down.
HAMID
Well, I have a quick question before we, we go down. Have you seen anyone come through here or, or on the street recently wearing –
BRYN
And I’ll describe the outfits…
ALEX
Sure.
BRYN
…that the…
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
No. Nothing, nothing really! I mean obviously yourself –
ALEX
He gestures to Sasha.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
– caught me by surprise. But frankly having seen the size of that fire I’m glad you did! Ha!
SASHA
Yes.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
But no, I…
SASHA
Did you not, like, notice that people were digging in your cellar?
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Digging? No, the first thing that I heard was there were some, some… blasts! And then you, you – I assumed it was construction. I mean it wasn’t, it didn’t seem to be coming from my cellar, necessarily. I thought that maybe a heavy cart or something. I mean…
HAMID
You mean a, earlier today?
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Yes.
HAMID
But there’s no, no, no strange sounds over the last week?
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Oh, well, there’s always construction and so on. I mean, (laughing a little) I don’t, I don’t monitor the cellar. It’s one of my brother’s – but I run the shop, you know, for these fine hats.
ALEX
He kind of holds one vaguely alluringly to Bertie.
BERTIE
That is a very fine hat. Is that, that your work or your brother’s?
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
Oh, my, my brothers. They, they do the work, you see.
ALEX
Tell you what, give me a Diplomacy check, Bertie, specifically.
JAMES
I think I’m going to spend twice as long buttering him up, with Pomp and Pageantry, and…
ALEX
Ha! Go for it.
JAMES
Plus one for this.
ALEX
Go for it.
BERTIE
Really a very fine hat, you know? Absolutely superb. The craftsmanship on this could only really have been achieved by a truly skilled hand. One dedicated to his craft…
[ALEX STARTS CACKLING]
Arts handed down through all generations. This is not the brim of an amateur –
ZOLF
(desperately trying to interrupt) Bertie. Bertie. Bertie –
BERTIE
(unheeding) This, no, this is a brim designed to hoooold back the sun from the eyes of a gentleman alone! Peasants’ eyes will be fine being stabbed by the sunlight over and over again –
ZOLF
Do you want to be paid?
BERTIE
But this – Hello, money!
ALEX
(gasping through laughter) Roll the dice.
JAMES
11, my Diplomacy is plus 1 and then it’s plus 2 because there was 13 in total.
ALEX
13, yeah, okay. He, he certainly seems less suspicious of all of you but he’s buying it, he’s swallowing it.
ZOLF
(in a hiss) Hat complimenting can wait, we’ve got a job to do! Come on, Bertie.
ALEX
Right, you head downstairs to the cellar.
SASHA
So, like that’s where I came in, you see. I did this properly sweet jumpin’ between all the stacks. (to herself, pleased) It was well good. And then – he never noticed me at all, not once. And then like there –
LYDIA
And I point to the massive explosion.
SASHA
– is where it exploded.
ZOLF
Ah. Good insight!
[SNICKERS]
ALEX
Just to fill that out…
BERTIE
Even I spotted that.
ALEX
Just to, to fill out with some detail there. There is still a gaping hole leading presumably back towards Edison’s mansion, with brickwork clearly blown from in here, out into the other basement. There is, on the far side of that though, there is – what’s clearly been a large piece of masonry caved in. And pieces of brick and like shards of brick, like a decent explosive was used, is spread throughout. In fact, a significant amount of it is embedded on the far wall? So, Sasha’s clearly had a bit of a rough time down here.
JAMES
Oh so, hang on, so it’s not like somebody’s come in from the basement of a neighbouring building into this room?
ALEX
It looks like someone has probably come through this building…
JAMES
Yep.
ALEX
…possibly from the adjoining building.
JAMES
Explosively through this building, or…
ALEX
Yes.
JAMES
Okay. And an occasion previous to the main explosion?
ALEX
Ah –
SASHA
They, there was like a hole and people ran through it, and then when I was about to run after them, they threw a thing and it explooooded.
So there was like a hole already. And then the hole got un-holed.
[BEAT]
ZOLF
Right, so we’re…
BERTIE
Well that’s perfectly clear.
[ALEX CHUCKLES]
ZOLF
So we’re going to have to dig through that if we want to follow their trail, or go to the next house over I guess, see if we can get in that way?
ALEX
You hear a muffled,
ALEX (VOICE)
(upset) Oh my goodness, now this is too much. Too much!
ALEX
From upstairs.
JAMES
Directly upstairs?
ALEX
Er, yeah.
ZOLF
Bertie, do you want to see what’s going on?
BERTIE
Very well!
JAMES
Open the trapdoor.
BERTIE
Hello!
ALEX
You open the trapdoor and what you see is a cupboard on the far side of the room, is open and there is what looks like the tailor is dangling – he appears to have fallen through the floor or something. His, his arms are on floor level.
ALEX (WILLIKINS)
You couldn’t help me, could you? Uh, I – there appears to be a hole, in my cupboard.
BERTIE
Of course, my good man!
JAMES
And then I lean over and haul him up.
ALEX
Yeah. He’s, he’s, he’s waify, it’s fine. It looks like that, yeah, the flooring’s fallen through, beneath the cupboard.
JAMES
Is there any excess from the place – like, okay, so beneath this hole, is there access on the lower floor between the area this hole gives access to and the place we’ve just come up on by the stairs?
ALEX
You can’t tell, you’d have to drop down.
JAMES
Okay. How far down is it?
ALEX
10 foot.
JAMES
Will that kill me?
[BEN LAUGHS]
BRYN
No.
ALEX
You won’t take any damage but, given that you’re wearing plate armour, it would be a tough time for you to jump up, grab onto the ledge, and then heave yourself back up.
JAMES
Right.
LYDIA
Shall I, I pop up after him into the – I’m in the lobby thing as well?
ALEX
Mhm.
SASHA
What happened?
BERTIE
A big hole, young lady. You seem to be the expert on holes. Would you mind having a look?
[SASHA SIGHS]
BEN
I do have visions of you jumping down and shouting, “I’m stuck now.”
JAMES
“Help! Fell over, can’t get up.”
BRYN
While they’re doing that I’m going to quickly poke my head back through, back towards Edison’s, because – basically I’m going to get out a little notebook and I’m going to start making a list of the buildings that this tunnel goes through. Because potentially one avenue of investigation is to canvass the entire, you know – every person who owns one of the buildings that has been tunnelled through, has asked each single one of them…
ALEX
What they heard.
BRYN
…what I heard when, you know.
ALEX
I get you.
BRYN
So I’m just going to start to make a quick list of that. I’m not going to do the canvassing now, but…
ALEX
Yeah, that’s fine.
JAMES
I have my suspicions about the brothers of Willikins. We haven’t seen them, they’re not here.
ALEX
Do it in character.
JAMES
Sorry.
[ALEX LAUGHS]
So…
BRYN
That’s what the, while they’re dealing with this new hole, I’m going to do that.
ALEX
Yeah, that’s fine. So, Sasha, you came up…
LYDIA
I’ll go down the hole.
ALEX
Sure.
LYDIA
Holes are sort of, I can climb.
ALEX
I’m not even going to get you to do an Acrobatics check.
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
She just drops down, lithe like a cat – there’s not actually a noise – just…
LYDIA
Yeah. I flow like black paint…
[ALEX SNORTS]
…in a gravity well.
[UPROAR OF LAUGHTER]
BRYN
I see – I see you’re much better at metaphors than social interaction!
ALEX
I feel like I ought to be playing a Neuromancer RPG or something. It was an amazing description!
LYDIA
That’s me. I’ll use it again, don’t worry. I don’t come up with those things that often.
[MORE LAUGHTER]
Do I have to tell you all the things I flow like?
ALEX
So, you land, you land in –
LYDIA
(laughing) She flows like a cat in a tar pit.
BEN
Does she have a, have a, a hobby as an amateur rapper?
BRYN
Do you flow like a harpoon…
LYDIA
The problem we’ve got here –
BRYN
…daily and nightly?
LYDIA
The problem we’ve got here is that I don’t have particularly good distinction between my voice and hers. I’m the one using the metaphors. Anyone that says something stupid is her.
[LAUGHTER]
That’s how you tell! So…
BEN
That’s about it, innit?
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
Anyway. So you drop down into the hole…
LYDIA
Yep.
ALEX
…and…
LYDIA
Like black paint in a gravity well?
ALEX
Like black paint falling down a gravity well –
LYDIA
Yeah.
ALEX
– and yeah, you land quietly. It becomes apparent that you’re in another narrow cellar.
LYDIA
Mhm?
ALEX
It also becomes apparent, looking behind you, that – you’re on the other side of that cave-in.
LYDIA
(victorious hiss) Yes.
ALEX
And there’s scorch marks on the sides, it’s a much smaller little basement.
LYDIA
Is it dark down there?
ALEX
It’s, there’s enough light coming into in the top of the corridor. It, it disappears into darkness, but you notice it’s not very long, as in like maybe 20 feet? At the other end you can see what looks like a manhole cover or something similar is off – like, it’s been pulled off and dragged to the side. But it’s very clear that you’re on the far side of that cave-in.
LYDIA
Okay.
ALEX
I think we’re going to be out of time there! So – yeah, a bit of investigative sleuthing, and things are pointing in a nice clear direction, at least.
LYDIA
Some nice flowing.
ALEX
Yep, down gravity wells.
[SOFT SNICKERS]
And… but I think that’s everything for today! So, wrapping up, that’s goodbye from me.
JAMES
A-and from me.
BRYN
Yep.
LYDIA
And us.
BRYN
All of us.
BEN
Me too!
[CROSSTALK]
JAMES
We’re all saying goodbye. That’s pretty fairly established.
ALEX
Everyone’s saying goodbye. That’s established.
LYDIA
Byeeee!
BRYN
We definitely need a better sign-off.
ALEX
Oh, I’ll find one.
[LAUGHTER]
Bye everyone!
[Show Theme - Outro]
Rusty Quill Gaming is a podcast distributed by rustyquill.com and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial International License. Today’s episode was recorded and produced by Alexander J Newall. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, videos and show notes, visit rustyquill.com. Rate and review us on iTunes, visit us on Facebook, tweet us on Twitter @therustyquill, or email us at mail@rustyquill.com. Thanks for listening.
JAMES
I-I do want – if there’s some sort of perk which means that I can, like, have a nemesis – “furniture,” or something like that.
BEN
What – “Favoured Enemy: Furniture”? (as Bertie) “I’m from the upper classes!” (makes smashing sound)
JAMES
Who likes – exactly.
ALEX
(fervent hiss) “Furniture’s for the weak and lower classes!”
JAMES
Tables are for laying. Er –
[LAUGHTER]
LYDIA
Not that my character would ever quip.
ALEX
Okay.
BRYN
Just quip very badly.
LYDIA
(singsong) “Look at the window!”
[SNORTS]
BEN
Okay, but please make it a thing for your character to just have terrible quips – (dramatic singsong) “I’m here to kill you!”
[BEAT]
(incredibly underwhelmed) “Okay?”
[LAUGHTER]
Is that how you do it?
ALEX
Okay.
BEN
I mean, Edison’s dead, so this setting is much better than the real world already.
JAMES
Deadison. – Is what I’m calling him now.
BEN
Yes, Deadison.
[BEAT]
No, that’s if he comes back as a zombie. “Ohhh, Lord Deadison!”
[LAUGHTER]
BRYN
And in his secret Arctic lair, Tesla cackles wildly.