[Intro Theme]
ANNOUNCER
Rusty Quill Presents: The Magnus Protocol.
Episode Fifty-Four – Human Resources.
[Music]
–
[Landline recording begins]
[HARVEY is sat opposite GWEN in her office. He is chipper in a distressingly normal sort of way.]
HARVEY
So yeah, I’d have to say – uh, optimism, uh, teamwork and uh – Did I say optimism?
[Silence]
[Gwen moves to speak]
HARVEY
Work – hard work!
[Silence]
[GWEN hesitates before pressing on]
GWEN
Thank you, Harvey. Now –
HARVEY
You’re welcome!
GWEN
Now at this point, I’d like to take a moment to explain a bit about the nature of our work.
HARVEY
Wicked.
GWEN
So, as detailed in the job listing, your role here at the O.I.A.R. would be focused on the categorization and assessment of incident cases into a digital database.
HARVEY
Yup. That’s the ‘I’, isn’t it? Incidents. I looked it up!
GWEN
Right, yes. But it’s worth noting that the incidents themselves mostly focus on… unusual circumstances…
HARVEY
Cool.
GWEN
(struggling) …yes, well, some previous employees have had quite… strong… negative emotional responses to some of the more… extreme elements.
HARVEY
Better than it being boring though, am I right?
GWEN
…Sure. [glitch] I should probably also warn you that there’s a… ah… non-zero chance of you having to engage in ah… face-to-face interactions with some of our more… colorful External Contractors as part of your work duties.
HARVEY
Not a problem. I’m a proper people-person, gift of the gab, everyone says so.
GWEN
Good to know –
[ALICE enters without knocking.]
ALICE
Right, sit down and shut up, because I’ve got some news that will blow your ti–
[ALICE sees HARVEY]
ALICE
Uh. Hi.
HARVEY
(unfazed) Hi! I’m Harvey!
ALICE
Uh, Alice.
HARVEY
Cool! Cool.
[Beat]
ALICE
(awkward) So…
GWEN
(restrained) As you can see, Alice, I am busy at the moment, so if you could just go outside and wait, I will talk to you once we’re finished here.
HARVEY
Please, don’t mind me, I’m happy to wait if –
ALICE
Yeah, that’d be –
GWEN
(overlapping) No, that won’t be necessary.
ALICE
…I’m sorry, who are you again?
HARVEY
Harvey. Harvey Liew, I’m here for the –
GWEN
It’s really none of your concern, Alice.
[Beat.]
ALICE
Oh I see. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Harvey – Harvey Liew – but we’re all staffed up at the moment.
HARVEY
(pleasantly confused) Oh?
GWEN
I’m sorry?
ALICE
You heard.
GWEN
Just yesterday you were complaining about how difficult the workload was!
ALICE
Yeah, because we’re still missing Sam, remember him? The guy who also works here? What I was saying was that we should be working to get him back, not shoving fresh meat into the grinder.
GWEN
Mmmm. And remind me how’s that going again?
[Silence]
GWEN
Right. Well in that case, I’m going to go ahead and keep interviewing for new staff members as I see fit, but I’ll tell you what, I’ll leave Sam’s desk free. That way, if you manage to rustle him up, he can get straight back to work. Sound good?
ALICE
…
Bite me.
[ALICE stands, storms off, and slams the door behind her.]
[Beat.]
[GWEN settles herself.]
GWEN
I’m sorry you had to see that, Harvey. I can assure you that is not how we like to do business here at the O.I.A.R. [glitch]
HARVEY
Hey, I get it. There’s always some drama around ex-employees. It’s like this guy Carl at my old office, nice guy but after he retired he just wouldn’t leave, y’know? Always had opinions on how things should work and who should be doing what and eventually Tanya – you’d like Tanya, she was amazing – she was just like, “Carl, enough mate, we all just need to move on with our lives, yeah?” And then there was this whole thing about his old keycard and anyway he lives in Majorca now with his missus so it just goes to show, it all works out in the end.
[Beat]
GWEN
…Yes.
[CCTV recording begins]
[ALICE is wilfully banging her way around the kitchen making a coffee]
[Celia looks on, nursing her own cup from a distance]
ALICE
It’s just not right, y’know?
CELIA
Uh-huh.
ALICE
Like, Sam’s trapped right now probably fighting for his life against devils and demons or whatever and she’s got the – the –
CELIA
Nerve?
ALICE
The audacity to sit there all like, “Rah, rah, I can’t help, I’m too busy stabbing everyone in the back and pretending I’m Lena.” Except Lena actually knew what she was bloody doing!
[She slams a cupboard door in frustration]
CELIA
I mean… we do need the help.
ALICE
(muttering) I’ll tell you who needs help…
CELIA
And it would be nice to have an excuse to clear Sam’s desk from all that paperwork.
ALICE
Are you actually serious right now?
CELIA
I just think you’re overreacting.
ALICE
Am I. AM I?
[Beat.]
ALICE
Okay, I hear it. But I’m serious. We can’t trust Gwen, ergo, we can’t trust anyone Gwen hires.
CELIA
You keep saying we can’t trust her, but… Look, I’m not saying she didn’t have anything to do with Lena leaving, and she’s clearly struggling with the pressure…
ALICE
Struggling is one word for it.
CELIA
But I’ve not seen any evidence she’s actively lying to us.
[ALICE moves over to CELIA and sits beside her, sighing]
ALICE
Look, you don’t know everything about Gwen, all right?
CELIA
(exasperated) Look, if this is some old drama from years back…
[Beat]
[ALICE makes a decision]
ALICE
Something came up after I got back from Germany. I was telling her about the Schweitzer stuff and… well… it turns out she knew more than she’d been letting on.
CELIA
(more serious) What do you mean?
ALICE
She’d seen him before.
CELIA
What? Where?
ALICE
In a video –
CELIA
Oh, well –
ALICE
– that showed Lena shooting his guts out.
CELIA
What?
ALICE
Yeah, turns out that’s what she used to blackmail Lena out of her job.
CELIA
Jesus…
ALICE
It gets worse.
CELIA
Go on.
ALICE
She… she says Augustus told her to do it.
CELIA
Augustus? What, as in Freddy’s old man voice?
ALICE
Yeah… apparently he’s been talking to her… telling her stuff about her family, and I got the impression… Let’s just say that between us, Freddy, and the Externals, I don’t know who’s side she’s on right now.
CELIA
Why didn’t you say anything earlier?
ALICE
I…
CELIA
You don’t trust me.
ALICE
No! I mean, yes, I do, it’s just…
[Beat]
(small) I thought you might bail.
CELIA
(surprised) What?
ALICE
(genuine) You have a kid, Celia. A life, friends. I had to push so hard to get you to revisit the Magnus leads, and you’ve got so much guilt over what happened to Sam… I thought this might be the last straw.
CELIA
(a bit hurt) You thought I’d just abandon you?
[Beat]
ALICE
I wouldn’t blame you.
CELIA
No, but you’d keep vital information secret to make me stay?
ALICE
…
I’m sorry.
CELIA
…
(standing) I should get back to work.
ALICE
Celia –
CELIA
I’ll see you in there.
[CELIA exits]
[Silence]
[ALICE sighs wearily]
[PC recording begins]
[CELIA enters and sits with her cup, frustrated]
[She activates a case]
NORRIS
Email.
From: SpokaneYosef@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
To: TailorNataly@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk.
CELIA
(overlapping, weary) Brilliant.
NORRIS
RE: Where the hell is my tech recce?
Sent 11-11-2023 10:17pm
You missed your deadline. Again.
I’ve got the EP’s on my ass and legal won’t even let us pick our noses without insurance which I can’t get because you apparently can’t do your goddam job and file a basic recce on time.
Stop pissing around and get it done, or I’ll use someone who can.
Email.
From: ParfolloLevi@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
To: SpokaneYosef@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
CC: TailorNataly@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
RE: Where the hell is my tech recce?
Sent 12-11-2023 09:08am.
Hey Yosef,
So I’m guessing you haven’t cleared your inbox yet.
Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Nataly passed while you were in L.A.
She was visiting the site on her own and apparently she just… lost it; started stabbing herself with her pen and by the time they found her she’d already bled out.
They’re worried it was workplace stress.
You might want to make some calls.
Email.
From: SpokaneYosef@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
To: ParfolloLevi@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
CC: TailorNataly@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
RE: Where the hell is my tech recce?
Sent 12-11-2023 09:28am
This is the last thing I need right now.
I’m gonna need you to dig up that recce and send it over, Levi, we can’t afford to miss the booking window.
Email.
From: ParfolloLevi@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
To: SpokaneYosef@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
CC: TailorNataly@TigerTrapProductions.co.uk
RE: Where the hell is my tech recce?
Sent 12-11-2023 10:47am
You’re such an utter asshole, Yosef.
Attachment reads:
Location Scout Report – Cameo Pictures (semi-derelict B&H Cinemas outlet)
Address: 233 Derby Rd, Nottingham NG7 1QN
Production: The Projector (Working Title, Horror Feature)
Scout: Nataly Tailor (Freelance)
Date: 03 November 2023
General Description:
Small, semi-derelict 1930s dualscreen independent cinema. Brick building with damaged art deco frontage including marquee. Abandoned retail space attached on right side, private driveway on left. Minor defacement on frontage, significant defacement on driveway wall.
Public spaces (foyer, toilets, corridors etc.) retain undamaged period-appropriate furnishings and features.
Staff spaces derelict and unfit for usage.
Primary auditorium inaccessible (structural damage).
Smaller secondary auditorium intact with undamaged furnishings.
Access:
Good road access via Derby Road (A6200 with M1 nearest motorway). Private driveway and sufficient onsite parking for Secondary Production Convoy.
Frontage includes public access, additional staff entrance on driveway side and goods entrance in rear.
Local bus service and Nottingham central as nearest train station (2 miles).
No accommodations for special mobility.
Hazards:
Significant structural damage in inaccessible primary auditorium.
Standard historic building fire safety risks. Note: staff and goods entrances both locked during examination.
Staff areas unfit for usage, severe floor and ceiling damage, heavy mold, major trip and slip hazards, non-functioning electrics.
Active power supply in public areas and secondary auditorium, but portable generators or batteries recommended.
Likely asbestos in public areas. Independent assessment advised and PPE recommended when cleaning or set dressing.
Minor signs of rodents. Traps visible.
Permissions:
Grade II listed structure with independent owner. Recommend local council engagement for filming permits, etc.
Suitability for Filming:
It’s perfect.
Notes:
I understand now. The beautiful people… they really are glamourous… glamoured and garlanded and I can finally join you among them, Birdie… the pictures are moving and sweeping me off my feet, and look, Birdie, the carpet… the carpet is so very red… and all it took was one cut to –
Cinema foyer, interior, day. An elderly usher is unlocking the entrance doors. He’s hunched from long years of service, but somehow still manages to stand tall with pride as he throws them open.
“It’s what’s on the inside that matters,” he says, and of course he’s right.
The outside is tattered, ravaged by relentless time, but inside… It’s perfect: velvet ropes, golden plaster and a chandelier worthy of the picture palace it once was. A moment of pristine stillness, captured as though on film. And why not? What is film but a series of moments stitched together, each one a still-life in itself? They should never have been called movies. After all, they never move and they never change.
The usher smiles at me. He’s behind the counter now and I’m not sure how he got there. Something is wrong, but… he makes such a pretty picture in his bright red coat holding out the popcorn: another perfect frame, right down to the buttery smell. It would be rude to refuse… so I take a piece and place it in my mouth then feel it dissolve to –
A comfy lounge, interior, night. A small girl cuddles up to her grandma as they watch the beautiful people on the tiny, curved glass screen together: An Affair to Remember, classic. It’s Birdie’s favourite (always Birdie, never Grandma!). They’ve watched it more times than either of them can remember, but every time is the first time for Birdie. “After all, anything can happen, don’t you think?”
The little girl cuddles in close; she doesn’t really understand it but that doesn’t matter. Birdie is warm and kind and one day Birdie will teach little Nat everything there is to know about movies. But not now. No, now is for cuddles and warm popcorn with butter that dribbles down your chin. Birdie smiles and reaches out to wipe to –
Cinema auditorium, interior, day. The usher is talking again and it takes me a moment to remember why I’m here. The screen is surprisingly big and the curtains either side are lustrous and again, it’s perfect. But just like before, something is… wrong. For some reason all I can think is that it’s hungry. I can tell, it wants to be used, and the usher is the same. He’s so neat and prim and exactly what we need, exactly what I expected, and I can see how glad he is that I’m here, that he’s here… but I can’t help wondering who he is without this place. If an usher serves an empty screen, are they still an usher? I wonder for a moment if he just disappears? It’s a strange thought, a distraction, and we mustn’t get distracted. There’s too much to do and if this place is going to transition to:
Premier, exterior, night. The photographers are all yelling “Ms. Elliot! Ms. Elliot!” And Birdie smiles to each of them like an old friend even though that’s not her name. The cameras love her and she loves them. She looks so beautiful in her gold dress and her sparkling shoes, but the little girl is distracted. The carpet was meant to be red, not white. She’s disappointed. She can’t help it. Birdie promised it would be red but it isn’t.
Birdie looks over and sees the little girl with her little frown and makes a little frown of her own. Then she strides over and before the little girl realizes what is happening, she sweeps her up into bare arms that hold her close and warm and she whispers, “Don’t worry, it’s only pretend. It’s all just pretend.”
Birdie stands like that for a moment, then gently lowers the little girl down and with a parting smile moves back to join the other beautiful people and their camera-flashing friends.
The little girl wants to follow, but she isn’t big enough yet. She has to stay behind. Her eyes fall, dejected, to the stubbornly ivory carpet once more, only to notice a spot of red and another and another leading off in a speckled trail towards her golden grandma who staggers, then suddenly falls, clutching her head as the light in her eyes fades to:
Projection booth, interior, day. The usher smiles as he listens to me whilst threading celluloid onto the spools. I tell him about Birdie, about my work in the industry as an intern then as a scout, laying out a series of moments that run together and then give the illusion of a life lived.
He takes it all in and just smiles and nods in his wrong way. Then he asks me how I think the story will end and I don’t have an answer. How could I? So he just nods again, smiles again and offers me a ticket: “Would you like to find out?”
I hesitate, then reach out, but my hand freezes for a moment of its own accord, as though it expects the card to be red hot. It’s not hot, though – it’s heavy, inlaid with golden filigree, and so large that as I take hold of it, it makes my hand seem small, childlike. The lettering shines in the half-light and I can read in elegant cursive “Tonight’s Premiere: Nataly Tailor.”
I look up and he’s smiling again, holding the clipper out ready. My hand is shaking as I hold the ticket out to him, but I’m ready. It’s time to join Birdie on the red carpet. He nods and whispers “Enjoy the show” and the clipper presses down and cuts to:
Cinema foyer, interior, night. The lights are shining and the photographers are calling my name but I only have eyes for Birdie. She’s waiting for me at the doors, she’s wearing the golden dress and the glittering shoes and she’s smiling and holding her arms open for me. I rush to her and we embrace and it’s just like before. I want to tell her everything: how much I love her, how much I’ve missed her, all those moments that added up from then to now but she just smiles and nods and whispers, “Don’t worry, it’s only pretend. It’s all just pretend.” Then she gestures to the carpet and I see it turn a rich, familiar red, blossoming out from me and into the auditorium.
It’s beautiful and wonderful but it fills me with a fear I don’t understand. It’s as though there is something terribly wrong, but the premiere is perfect and Birdie is waiting for me and I finally get to join her on the red carpet… and it is so red… so very red…
I stumble for a moment, but Birdie catches me, and as she does the fear fades into an afterimage of the flashing bulbs and smiling faces and all that’s left is the wonder of being there with her.
We hold hands and step from the bright lights to the darkness inside, together again in a single, perfect moment that will last forever, and the smiling usher closes the doors behind us as we fade to black.
[Laptop recording begins]
[CELIA enters. She is exhausted and trying to be quiet.]
[She puts down her bags and steps in]
GEORGIE
(quietly) Morning.
CELIA
Hey… Everything okay?
GEORGIE
Oh yeah, he’s fine. Something woke him up early, so I had to settle him back down, and somewhere along the way I ended up becoming his new bed.
CELIA
You need rescuing?
GEORGIE
Ah, I’m okay, you take a moment to settle yourself.
…Unless maybe Mummy wants a turn?
CELIA
(bittersweet) Please.
GEORGIE
Of course.
[GEORGIE carefully passes baby JACK across to CELIA]
[He stirs a moment, then settles in her arms]
GEORGIE
He missed you. And I missed having feeling in my forearms, oof.
[CELIA holds JACK close for a moment while GEORGIE massages life back into her arms]
GEORGIE
How you doing? You look exhausted.
CELIA
I’m okay. Just feeling grateful. For him and for you.
GEORGIE
Aw, shucks.
CELIA
I mean it. I couldn’t do this without you two.
GEORGIE
You don’t need to.
…
Celia, where’s this all coming from? Has something happened?
CELIA
No, [glitch] I just. I’ve been thinking a lot about trust and… well… if something happened to me, you’d – you’d take care of Jack, wouldn’t you, Georgie?
GEORGIE
(without hesitation) Of course.
…
(careful) Is something likely to happen to you?
CELIA
(hesitating just slightly) I don’t – No. [glitch] No, I just… I needed to hear it, that’s all.
GEORGIE
(concerned) Sure. I –
[She stops herself.]
[Eventually:]
GEORGIE
This is a pancake morning, I think.
CELIA
(small laugh) You don’t have to. Honestly, I’m fine.
GEORGIE
Glad to hear it, but I’m still making pancakes.
[She heads into the kitchen]
CELIA
(calling softly) You’re too good to us, Georgie.
GEORGIE
(softly from kitchen) True, but don’t worry, I’m yours until I’m swept off my feet by a strapping, cheese-loving lumberjack who shares my stance on Bigfoot. Fair warning though, once that happens I am out of here.
CELIA
(calling softly, smiling) Understood.
[Music]
ANNOUNCER
The Magnus Protocol is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International License. The series is created by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall, and directed by Alexander J Newall.
This episode was written by Alexander J Newall and edited with additional materials by Jonathan Sims, with vocal edits by Lowri Ann Davies, soundscaping by Tessa Vroom, and mastering by Catherine Rinella with music by Sam Jones.
It featured Bilie Hindle as Alice Dyer, Lowri Ann Davies as Celia Ripley, Anusia Battersby as Gwendolyn Bouchard, Sasha Sienna as Georgie Barker with additional voices from Alexander J Newall.
The Magnus Protocol is produced by April Sumner, with executive producers Alexander J Newall, Dani McDonough, Linn Ci, and Samantha F.G. Hamilton, and Associate Producers Jordan L. Hawk, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius d’Raven, and Megan Nice.
To subscribe, explore exclusive extras, and enjoy early access ad-free episodes, visit members.rustyquill.com or join our Patreon.
Rate and review us online, follow us on social media and email us at mail@rustyquill.com.
Thanks for listening.