MAG Retrospective - Creators Quizzed

CHIOMA

Hello! And welcome to this Magnus Archives special episode, where we find out how well Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall know the world that they’ve created. I’m Chioma Nwalioba and I play Annabelle Cane in the series. And I have in front of me a selection of questions from a quiz, which was run for the Magnus wrap livestream on Twitch.

Let’s jump straight in, shall we, with Season 1 and start putting them through their paces.

[EERIE TRANSITION]

What is the name of the first episode of The Magnus Archives?

ALEX

Ah, hello! Yes! I know that one.

JONNY

(deadpan) Yes, it is: “Good Morning, Mr Scary.”

ALEX

Well, now here’s the question… this is me immediately attacking the terms. Are they counting trailers? And teasers?

JONNY

Whaaaaaaatt?!

ALEX

Because the first episode of The Magnus Archives is of course Anglerfish. However, there was the teaser. So what do we think, Jonny?

JONNY

But they weren’t titled.

ALEX

They weren’t titled, it was just “Teaser.” I’m going to reserve the right to give two answers, which is “Teaser,” if someone’s playing, you know, tricksie, or Anglerfish, if it’s the actual answer. Do you, do you concur, Jonny?

JONNY

I do concur.

CHIOMA

The answer to that, of course, is Anglerfish.

[TRIUMPHANT NOISES FROM JONNY AND ALEX]

What was the name of the second voice to ever appear on tape in The Magnus Archives?

ALEX

The name of the second voice…

JONNY

I remember it was 13, it was Alone.

ALEX

If it was 13, it was Alone… I think it would be Katie Davison.

JONNY

That sounds right.

ALEX

Was there not an appearance before then?

JONNY

No.

ALEX

When’s Lost Johns’ Cave?

JONNY

No, Lost Johns’ Cave is number 15.

ALEX

Oh, so that’s after…

JONNY

13, I believe, is the first time you hear a second voice.

ALEX

Hmm. I think it’s Katie Davison, but I feel like I’m already –

JONNY

Cool.

ALEX

– I’m already starting to expose how little attention I pay to our own projects.

JONNY

I’m going to back up Alex’s answer here, and say it’s definitely Katie Davison.

ALEX

(unsure noises) Go on.

CHIOMA

Well done! The answer is Katie Davison as Naomi Hearne.

JONNY

Yay!

ALEX

Yes! YES! I’m not a bad person! Yes!

CHIOMA

Later in the series, John takes an axe to a certain suspicious and mesmerising table. In which episode did this table first make an appearance?

JONNY

Pretty sure they’re referring to the sound desk, Big Bertha, so…

[ALEX LAUGHS]

When did we start using it, Alex?

ALEX

That would be episode three, Across the Street. Although I couldn’t tell you where in the episode it’s mentioned in that monologue.

JONNY

Oh, no, Graham has it. It’s his, like, centrepiece. He’s using it for coffee and stuff.

ALEX

But I can’t remember at what point it’s mentioned, is what I mean. Like, whether it’s like, just a buried reference.

JONNY

No, cos she, she’s in the, she’s in the flat, like, she’s just kind of staring at the table being like, “Oooooh.”

ALEX

Yeah. It wasn’t explicit reference. Yes. Yeah, you are correct. I’m glad you’re here. Otherwise, you know, I might actually be, uh, in trouble on this quiz. The important thing is that right now, even though we’re on the same team, none of us is winning.

JONNY

Yeah, no, absolutely.

CHIOMA

Brilliant! The answer is Episode 3, Across the Street.

ALEX

Yes! I’m kind of getting genuinely competitive now and want to get a perfect score. I want to be that person. And I don’t think we can.

JONNY

Let’s find out.

CHIOMA

Next question: Who leased an office at a 100 Pall Mall?

JONNY

100 Pall Mall? That’s the underground Leitner library. So, it must be Leitner.

ALEX

Ah, no, no. Hang on. Hang on, hang on.

JONNY

Cos it’s the Pall Mall club one.

ALEX

Yeah, no, no, I get that. I can’t remember. Did they temporarily lease the place to then break into stuff or… was it Leitner?

JONNY

No, no, cos they didn’t break into stuff. They were doing repairs and stumbled into it.

ALEX

Yes! No, you’re right. It was repairs. It – so it was repairs. So –

JONNY

I’m not a hundred percent sure, but there’s no-one else I can think that it would be, other than Jurgen Leitner.

ALEX

No, you’re right, because the repairs, they weren’t leasing the place, they were contracted.

JONNY

Yeah.

ALEX

Okay, cool. Yeah, Leitner. Leitner’s a good answer.

CHIOMA

It is, of course, Jurgen Leitner.

JONNY

I’ll be honest, the entire premise of this episode is going to quite upset Mike. Cos I told him that I’d looked over these questions to make sure they were accurate. And I didn’t.

[ALEX LAUGHS AND DESPAIRS]

ALEX

The second you’re off the clock, Jonny, the, the absolute second you’re off the clock. God…

[JONNY CHUCKLES AND MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]

God… Okay.

JONNY

You should be happy because it means this episode can happen, otherwise…

ALEX

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

JONNY

…I couldn’t legitimately do this quiz.

ALEX

Alright. Okay.

JONNY

I’m helping. In a very real way.

CHIOMA

What are the first words spoken in the show? Not counting trailers.

[ALEX MAKES A STRANGE SOUND]

JONNY

It will be “Test, test. One, two, three.”…?

ALEX

I don’t know if it’s “one, two, three.” It’s definitely “Test, test.” I think it might be “Test, test, one, two, one, two, test, test” or something.

JONNY

I feel like I remember saying a three.

ALEX

In which case then it will be something like, “Test, test, one, two. One, two, three,” because at the time I would have found it hilarious that you said three.

JONNY

Let’s just say, “Test, test.” Let’s, let’s go, you know…

ALEX

Fine.

JONNY

First words: “Test, test.”

ALEX

Go on. Let’s go with “Test, test.”

CHIOMA

I’ll give that to you, but the full answer is “Test, test, test, one, two, three, right?”

ALEX

Aw, come on, “Test, test –”

JONNY

Okay, cool. So we – we’re technically correct. We’re technically correct.

ALEX

Yeah, we weren’t given a number of words to get, so I think that wins.

JONNY

Yeah, no, absolutely.

ALEX

All audio should start with the words “Test, test,” and if it doesn’t, you’re doing it wrong.

CHIOMA

Let’s move on to Season 2, shall we. Nice and easy one to start with: Who gives the first statement of Season 2?

[ALEX CHUCKLES DARKLY]

JONNY

I think that’s, that’s the Archivist, isn’t it? Cos he goes in the – into the tunnels.

ALEX

Now hang on. Hang on. Hang on. So start of Season 2… We’ve done Jane Prentiss.

JONNY

Tunnels are revealed.

ALEX

Is it not Martin talking about finding Gertrude’s body?

JONNY

That’s Episode 40. That’s the last one of Season 1.

ALEX

Yes. Okay. I cheated the season break there. Okay.

JONNY

So there’s 40, Human Remains, and then there’s 41… Too Deep.

ALEX

Okay. Good catch. So in that case then, I feel like it isn’t you.

JONNY

The Archivist goes into the tunnels and like, is givi – is saying like, “Oh, went into the tunnels and it was spooky.”

ALEX

I’ll have to defer to the man himself. But I feel like I’m missing something there.

CHIOMA

Of course, it’s our very own Jonathan Sims.

[ALEX IS FRUSTRATED]

JONNY

Yeah, we were setting up the whole conceit of Season 2. We, we were like, “Oh, he doesn’t know what’s going on. Is he’s paranoid?”

CHIOMA

Daisy and John share a recurring nightmare. What familiar object does this nightmare involve?

JONNY

Oh.

ALEX

I know that it is a plot point that Daisy realises that the dreams are weird because of the T-shirt changing.

JONNY

Yeah… But that’s, that’s Season 3.

ALEX

Yeah.

JONNY

I don’t think it’s a T-shirt.

ALEX

No, it is, because she recognises his shirt is like, “I’m with stupid” in the dream or something.

JONNY

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. It is. It is the T-shirt in Season 3. But Season 2? Recurring dream? I’ve completely blanked on this.

ALEX

We can work this out, logically. This is, this is Alex using pub quiz time.

JONNY

A knife!

ALEX

Now, now, hang on, hang on, hang on. Right.

JONNY

It’s a knife!

ALEX

We know that you only get a shared dream with the Archivist after they’ve given a statement, right?

JONNY

(forlorn) A knife.

ALEX

So therefore, what was Daisy’s first statement-esque thing?

JONNY

That would be Hard Shoulder. It was the one where she encountered Breekon and Hope.

ALEX

So is it the coffin… that is the recurring dream, because of it being in the van and so on?

JONNY

That would have been great foreshadowing, but I don’t think we did that.

ALEX

I’m a bit stumped by that one. I think it could be coffin, or someone’s been wording their questions weird, and it’s actually, like, the T-shirt or something.

JONNY

A knife.

ALEX

But make your call, Jonny. And if it’s knife, I’m just going to go ahead and say –

JONNY

A knife.

ALEX

I’m going to say coffin. I’m going to say coffin.

CHIOMA

And Alex is correct! The answer is the Buried coffin.

ALEX

I’m winning! I’m winning!

JONNY

Alright. Okay.

ALEX

I’m better than Jonny at the thing that he primarily wrote. Mmmmmm.

CHIOMA

Next question. What building was previously located on the site of the Magnus Institute?

ALEX

Oh! Millbank Prison.

JONNY

Also, I believe the Royal Chelsea Military Hospital.

ALEX

Yes. Above ground. And also it depends if they want to say the Panopticon.

JONNY

Millbank Prison was, like, the Panopticon, the two are kind of –

ALEX

I’m just trying to get at the wording, you see. Cos no-one checked these questions beforehand, Jonny. You see? So, we’ve got to be really careful.

[JONNY GRUMBLES]

JONNY

Quiet, you.

[ALEX LAUGHS]

Uh, yeah.

ALEX

Millbank Prison slash the Panopticon… (laughs)

JONNY

Slash the Royal Chelsea Military Hospital.

ALEX

…slash the Royal Chelsea Military Hospital.

CHIOMA

Fantastic. Straightforward one there, that’s Millbank Prison.

ALEX

Yeah. Okay. That is the right answer. We’re just hedging. We’re hedging furiously is what we’re doing.

CHIOMA

In which episode does Melanie ask about the other Sasha?

JONNY

Oh, that’s… So, Not!Sasha reveals itself in 79. So it would probably be 78, I want to say.

ALEX

I can’t believe I have to admit this. I’m going to have to just give up my lead and pass this back to you on. I legitimately don’t know.

JONNY

Is that The Kind Mother?

ALEX

I don’t know.

JONNY

I’m going to say The Kind Mother.

ALEX

I have to confess, out of all the seasons, Season 2 is the one I’ve least had to revisit.

JONNY

Also, like, this one specifically is really difficult because the statements were recorded quite separate from the dialogue stuff. So matching the two up in my head is tricky. I think it was The Kind Mother, I’m going to give that. Gonna roll them dice.

CHIOMA

Good job there. It is of course, Episode 77, The Kind Mother. ¹

JONNY

YEAH!

ALEX

YES! Yes! Come on.

CHIOMA

Round three. First question, which key character dies at the end of Season 3?

JONNY

That would be, uh, Hope.

ALEX

Well, hang on? Hang on, hang on, hang on.

JONNY

Pretty sure Hope’s the most important character that dies at the end of Season 3.

ALEX

In the Unknowing. Are you sure it’s not Tim!? No, no, it won’t be Tim. Cos he didn’t die.

JONNY

No, no. I mean, Tim does die, but like, that’s, that’s a pretty –

ALEX

Tim didn’t die, I don’t think.

JONNY

—- Like, it’s, it’s not super important to the story, is the thing.

ALEX

No, you know what it’ll be, it’ll be Orsinov.

JONNY

Yeah, no, Orsinov is –

ALEX

It’ll be Nikola Orsinov.

JONNY

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ALEX

There’s no way it’s Tim, cos who cares?

JONNY

Who remembers what Tim did?

ALEX

I don’t even know his surname.

JONNY

Uh…

ALEX

I’m pretty sure it’s, like, “Meredith” or something.

[JONNY CRACKS UP]

JONNY

(laughing) Sorry. “Who died at the end of Season 3?” “Tim Meredith.”

[ALEX BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER]

We just had a huge – We’ve just got a huge backlog of his voice recordings and they’ve been, like, just creating this whole artificial…

ALEX

I mean, ultimately, I feel like this question might be making light of all of the people who were in that wax museum –

JONNY

Yeah!

ALEX

—- who got turned, temporarily suspended, into wax. So in a lot of ways, the answer is everyone. Everyone died, but definitely not Tim.

JONNY

Just to be clear, in terms of us getting points, I think we’re saying Tim Stoker.

ALEX

I mean, points are more important than, you know, being liked. So yeah, let’s go with, let’s go with Tim.

JONNY

Luckily we’ve managed to sacrifice both.

[ALEX LAUGHS]

CHIOMA

The answer is Tim Stoker.

ALEX

I do wonder what the body count in the Unknowing was? It was quite high…

JONNY

In my head, I would say like, a hundred and something, probably.

ALEX

Yeah, I was thinking in the hundreds.

CHIOMA

Let’s move on. Who is The Big Bad of Season 3?

ALEX

I mean, if you look at how it’s written, it’s kind of Tim.

JONNY

Uh, that would be my good friend, Jessica Law, playing Nikola Orsinov, the evil mannequin.

ALEX

Well, hang on, this is me overthinking.

JONNY

Oh, otherwise you could say The Stranger.

ALEX

This is the thing. Do we want to go higher level? I’d go with Orsinov, but I want it on the record that, you know, that’s a very broad question.

JONNY

Also, this is the season that Elias reveals himself.

ALEX

Exactly. So do we say Elias is the Big Bad? But I don’t think Elias – Depends how you define “Big Bad.” Elias is, sort of, “the Bigger Bad,” but I don’t think he’s “the Big Bad,” he’s “a Big Bad.”

JONNY

I’d say the Big Bad is The Stranger via Nikola Orsinov.

ALEX

Seconded.

CHIOMA

Absolutely correct. The answer is The Stranger or Nikola Orsinov.

JONNY

Whoooo.

ALEX

I’m getting real worried. I think we’re having an easy ride and then someone’s going to pose something really specific. And we’re not even going to be able to guess it.

CHIOMA

Next question: What was different about the intro music to Episode 119?

ALEX

Oh, yes!

JONNY

I don’t know, Alex, help, I’ve never listened to an episode of this show.

[ALEX CHUCKLES]

ALEX

So Episode 119 was where I co-opted the intro music, so that instead of being – [hums snippet of the MAG theme] – it was – (replicates upbeat music) cos it was the Unknowing music.

JONNY

Oh, clown music!

ALEX

Because the Unknowing started in the episode prior, so we wanted to set a real, awful tone straight off the bat. And so, I think that it’s playing the Unknowing music, which is… my final answer. I think that’s the answer.

JONNY

(quickly) Yeah, it’s my final answer as well. Our final answer.

[ALEX LAUGHS]

CHIOMA

Absolutely correct. It is the calliope music that was playing instead of the Magnus theme.

JONNY

(softly) Yeah.

ALEX

Yeah… the calliope. Yeah, yeah. I did freeze for a moment there. I was a little bit worried. I was like, “Oh no, is it some really obscure, like, editing thing that I forgot.”

CHIOMA

Next question: During Season 3 of Magnus, Rusty Quill saw a wealth of new fan art come through our postbox and on our socials. But there was one thing that was sent to us more than anything else. What was it?

ALEX

In Season 3?

JONNY

I mean, I like – To be fair I, I had no visibility over the PO box, so I’m going to probably say teeth?

ALEX

Nah, it won’t be teeth, it won’t be teeth. We did get more biologically hazardous waste than you might think. That had to be immediately destroyed. Please don’t send stuff like that. That’s not cool. However, I don’t think it’d be teeth.

So Season 3 wa – Oh no, it’d be Tim kayaking! Season 3? Fanart? It’d be Tim kayaking. It’s gotta be.

JONNY

Okay, I’ll, I’ll go with that.

ALEX

I’ve lost all confidence now. Okay. Give me a second to think. Cos the issue is I haven’t been administering the postbox either. Because the clowncore stuff for Orsinov didn’t actually come in, in Season 3. People started paying attention to that in Season 4, there was a little bit of a delay.

So I think it’s going to be, yeah, Tim kayaking. Do you concur, Jonathan Sims?

JONNY

Yes, I concur, Jonathan Sims.

[ALEX CHUCKLES]

Wait, no. I concur, Alexander J Newall.

ALEX

Tim kayaking.

CHIOMA

Ooh, not so good. The answer’s actually art based on the book, A Guest for Mr. Spider.

[ALEX GROANS]

JONNY

Ohhhhhh, okay. Yeah. That makes sense.

ALEX

Oh yeah. Okay. That’s annoying. I, I mean I’d – Ah, damn, I really thought we could get a perfect score on this one.

JONNY

It’s alright.

ALEX

Wasn’t teeth though. Thank god.

CHIOMA

Final question for Season 3: What was the name of the film produced in Episode 110, Creature Feature?

JONNY

I mean there were loads.

ALEX

But what were they filming in Creature Feature? They were filming…

JONNY

Ah, balls. I don’t remember. Like, the thing is I made up so many film titles for that. And I really – Like, some of them of, like, Agents of Orion and The Crawling Ones, have stuck with me.

ALEX

But we had to workshop a bunch of them.

JONNY

Oh, it was – It’s, it’s “spider” in a different language.

[ALEX MAKES AGONISED THINKING NOISES]

Like, it begins with a Z or something.

ALEX

Oh, no, we can get this on, we can get this one.

JONNY

I don’t know if I can, I don’t remember what –

ALEX

I’m, I’m confident we can get this one.

JONNY

It’s like… Zemolotta?

ALEX

Zemilaya?

JONNY

Zemilaya?

ALEX

Ze – Hm… If it begins with a Z, that’s what’s coming to my mind. Oh, I feel like we’re homing in now.

JONNY

Yeah, I know, but I don’t think I’m going to land on it.

I’m going to say Zemilaya, the Spider.

CHIOMA

Hmmm. Okay. Clearly we need to brush up on our Web knowledge. The answer is Widow’s Weave.

ALEX

Oh, was it?!

JONNY

Yeah.

ALEX

Ahhh.

JONNY

Because the Z one is, like, the original, weird thing that, like, it’s –

ALEX

That Lagorio saw, and then wanted to emulate in the – Ohhhh!²

JONNY

Yeah, like, I’m thinking of, like, the faux kaiju thing.

ALEX

Yeah. Okay. No, I’m with you now. It was a remake of an obscure film that no-one else ever actually thinks existed.

JONNY

Yeah. But that said, I did not remember the name Widow’s Weave at all. That was not even remotely in my head. So…

ALEX

No.

CHIOMA

Onto Season 4. In which island group did Salesa pick up the camera?

[ALEX GUFFAWS AND WINCES AUDIBLY]

JONNY

Oh no… Oh no, you’re asking me to remember some Google Maps search I did two years ago.

ALEX

That’s really tricky!

JONNY

I honestly don’t know.

ALEX

Okay. If we just eliminate every island on the planet that it wasn’t, we must end up with the right answer. Probably wasn’t the Galapagos. I don’t think it was the Seychelles.

JONNY

Don’t think it was in the Hebrides.

ALEX

Probably not.

JONNY

Canaries?

ALEX

Isle of Man, right out.

JONNY

No, I’m pretty sure I sunk the Isle of Man.

[ALEX CHUCKLES]

ALEX

I got nothing.

JONNY

I’m going to say the Canaries. I don’t believe it is, but I’m also drawing what’s known in the trade as “an blank.”

CHIOMA

Oooh. The answer is actually the Maldives.

JONNY

Oh, the Maldives…

ALEX

(mock angry) You sank the Maldives?! The Maldives are lovely!

JONNY

No, I sunk one of the Maldives. I sunk—

ALEX

I can’t believe you sank the Maldives!

JONNY

I sunk a single Maldive.

ALEX

(chuckling) You s – You sunk – Oh god, Jonny.

CHIOMA

In MAG147, Weaver, when Annabelle Cane runs away from home, what type of shop does she hide out in?

JONNY

That would be an abandoned chip shop.

ALEX

She hides in a chip shop?

JONNY

Does she – No. It’s based on a chip shop.

ALEX

Mmmm.

JONNY

The actual structure I’m thinking of is based on an actual brick chip shop I saw years back.

ALEX

It’s not the taxidermy office, is it?

JONNY

Oh no, no, no, no, no. This is the one near the beach. It’s a square, brick building; in the real world it was a chip shop. I cannot remember if I changed it and made it some other bullshit.

ALEX

For some reason my memory is triggering on like a puppet… shop or something, but that would be –

JONNY

No…

ALEX

—- It wouldn’t be that.

JONNY

It’s not a puppet shop, it’s too obvious.

ALEX

I wouldn’t have allowed it to be that. I don’t think.

JONNY

Maybe – I probably did change it from a chip show. Cos that’s too similar to –

ALEX

Sounds to me like what you should say is “chip shop,” right? And then say that the quiz just doesn’t understand the depths of your real world knowledge.

JONNY

A surf shop. I’m going to say a surf shop.

ALEX

No, there’s no way it’s a surf shop!

JONNY

No, I don’t think it is a surf shop.

ALEX

You’d never have said a surf shop, never in a million years!

JONNY

But, like a gift shop? Like a tourist information shop, maybe?

ALEX

You might have to just go with “chip shop” and just—

JONNY

Accept my luck. No, I’m going to say tourist information shop.

ALEX

I’ll defer to you on this one. Cos I ain’t got the right answer.

JONNY

I mean, I don’t think I’m right, but…

ALEX

Well, don’t say that as you lock the answer in. God…

CHIOMA

Perhaps you should trust your gut, Jonny. The correct answer was… chip shop.

ALEX

Waaaaaaaay! I told you, you’da got it with chip shop. Ha, Jonny mate, mate…

JONNY

It’s fine. It’s fine. Everyone can hear that I did know the answer, but what I lacked was not knowledge, but self-confidence.

CHIOMA

Next question: After the founding of the Magnus Institute, how many years passed before the ritual of The Watcher’s Crown was completed?

JONNY

That would be 200 years, I believe.

ALEX

I think it’s 200 on the nose, isn’t it?

JONNY

Yeah. 1818 to 2018. I mean, technically, not actually.

ALEX

Wasn’t it, like, a month or so off, or something?

JONNY

Well, uh, no, because the ritual that’s conducted is not technically The Watcher’s Crown. The name “The Watcher’s Crown” is kind of a red herring.

ALEX

Oh, yeah, yeah, I guess.

JONNY

So the question still works.

CHIOMA

Impressive. Yeah, 200 years – 1818 ‘til 2018.

JONNY

I’ll allow it.

ALEX

(scoffs) You’ll allow it?!

CHIOMA

How many times in Season 4 are John and Martin in the same scene together?

JONNY

Oh.

ALEX

Oh, okay. Okay. No, we can work this one out.

JONNY

It might just be the once. Like where – Well, okay, it depends on –

ALEX

It depends, do we count –

JONNY

Oh no, it’s not, it’s not just the once. There’s a bunch of them, like –

ALEX

No, here’s the thing, here’s the thing, here’s the thing, right?

Let’s discount the trailer.

JONNY

Okay.

ALEX

Because that’s not a scene, that’s a trailer.

JONNY

There’s “You died!”

ALEX

Yep.

JONNY

There’s the final Lonely.

ALEX

You’re doing this in a very awkward order for me. (chuckles)

JONNY

Yeah. There’s “Let’s gouge out our eyes and make out.” There’s… two scenes in 160: “Good cows” and “Oh no!”

The question is how many scenes are there between that?

ALEX

Okay. Let’s run through it in order. Let’s run through it in order.

JONNY

I want to say seven.

ALEX

Okay. Cos the question was for the entirety of Season 4. So, going from the beginning, right. “You were dead” is definitely one.

JONNY

Yep.

ALEX

There’s a meeting between John and Martin, where John’s like “Listen, I need to warn you about Peter Lukas.” Is that the same one as the, “You’re – you were dead”?

JONNY

(whispers) I don’t know.

I feel like there are either one, two or three meetings between “You died” and “Let’s gouge out our eyes.”

ALEX

So, I know what I’m like, structurally-speaking. I would expect me to have allowed three scenes between the two of them, then endgame.

JONNY

Then let’s say… six or seven, pick your number.

ALEX

I am gonna say… six. Cos that way, if it’s seven, we can say, “Oh, they’ve counted the trailer, so fnar fnar fnar.”

JONNY

(whispers) I’m going to say seven.

ALEX

(frustratedly) Oh Jonny, I hate you. It’s going to be, like, 12 or something.

CHIOMA

Okay. I’ll give that to you. It is five episodes. Episode 124, Left Hanging; Episode 129, Submerged; Episode 154, Bloody Mary; Episode 159, The Last; and Episode 160, The Eye Opens.

ALEX

So five episodes, six scenes. So it’s a moral victory for us, is what I’m hearing.

JONNY

Yeah. For us. Cos we both said six.

ALEX

Yeah, it’s a, it’s a moral victory, because we both definitely, definitely said six.

CHIOMA

Final question of Season 4. How many ribs does John possess at the end of Season 4?

ALEX

Oh no, how many ribs does a human possess in general?

JONNY

At the end of Season 4 –

ALEX

Quiet Jonny! I’m counting my ribs. (chuckles) Ow. Ow.

JONNY

Technically, at the end of Season 4, he’s only missing one.

ALEX

But how many ribs do humans have?

JONNY

Ahhh…

ALEX

I don’t know.

JONNY

I don’t know.

ALEX

I’m counting, but it just hurts.

JONNY

I’m going to say 21. Cos I think we normally have 22 ribs. He’s lost one to Jared Hopworth, and one is outside his body, but he still possesses it.

ALEX

Let’s lock that in. It’s the kind of thing Jonny’ll know. And I’m, I’m hurting now because I’ve been poked –

JONNY

I categorically do not know how many ribs a human has.

ALEX

I can’t keep poking my torso. It’s starting to hurt.

CHIOMA

Can’t give that to you, I’m afraid. The answer is 23; however, one of these is in a cupboard rather than his rib cage.

[ALEX GRIMACES]

JONNY

Ahhh, yeah. So, wh-what a human, normal human, has 24 ribs?

ALEX

Okay. There we go, there we go. We –

JONNY

Alex, you should have poked harder. I can’t believe this.

ALEX

(aggrieved) It hurts! I’ve legitimately bruised myself.

CHIOMA

Perhaps you should pay more attention to human anatomy. Oh well, onto Season 5. Gertrude inherited Fiona Law as an assistant when she became Archivist. What is it that saved Fiona from being a victim of most, but not all, Powers?

JONNY

[HE MAKES A CREAKING SOUND EFFECT]

…thump.

That’s the sound of somebody fainting.

ALEX

Yeah, she just passed out all the time, didn’t she?

JONNY

See, there was Emma, Fiona, Michael, and I want to say Sarah, and one of them survived lots by fainting. And I – And if Fiona Law was the long-lived one, then that will be it.

ALEX

Because that’s the thing is, the one that I’m confused on here, cos I’m not a hundred percent is, there was one of them who kept passing out, and then there was the other one who survived quite long by making everyone else go first and was in fact tormenting.

JONNY

I think that was Emma.

ALEX

But who’s the question referring to then?

JONNY

Fiona. Uh, like the, like the question I believe is – yeah.

ALEX

Alright, I’ll give you that one. Fiona, fainting. Fainting, yeah.

CHIOMA

Terrific! The answer is fainting.

[NOISES OF SUCCESS]

ALEX

Yeah, there you go. Good job. Good job. I liked that as a story point as well. That was a nice little, like – I really liked that. It just resonated.

CHIOMA

Let’s move on. How many characters does John successfully smite in Season 5? Name them.

JONNY

Oh, god. Right. So… first one is Jude Perry. Uh, no! First one is the Not!Sasha.

ALEX

Yes.

JONNY

Then there’s Jude Perry.

ALEX

Yes.

JONNY

Jared.

ALEX

Yes.

JONNY

Doesn’t take out Oliver.

ALEX

No.

JONNY

Doesn’t take out Simon.

ALEX

No. Are we then onto Helen?

JONNY

No, there’s definitely someone before Helen. The whole Basira / Daisy thing is, like, between them. He doesn’t do any smiting there.

ALEX

That, that’s moot. He doesn’t do anything with Salesa, obviously.

JONNY

He isn’t the one that kills Trevor.

ALEX

Nope.

JONNY

No-one gets smote in Salesa’s… I feel like there’s one I’m missing.

ALEX

I think it might go straight to Helen.

JONNY

(softly) Really? I feel like there’s another. (croaky) There is… another…

[CHUCKLES]

ALEX

The reason I don’t think there is, is because, again, this is me revealing all my story structures. You get three beats and then you get your big bash.

JONNY

(pondering) Yeah.

ALEX

So you’ve got three beats there, and then you’ve got Helen. I don’t think there is another one because we’d be hitting it too hard.

JONNY

And he kills Elias, but he doesn’t smite Elias.

ALEX

If they count Elias, then fair enough. But I don’t think there’s anyone pre-Helen. I might say four brackets five, if you count Elias.

Last chance, if you think there’s anything before Helen, but I don’t… think… there is.

JONNY

Yeah. I-I can’t lay my finger on it.

ALEX

I think it’s the three we discussed, then I think it’s Helen for a fourth.

JONNY

Oh! Breekon!

ALEX

Oh! Does –

JONNY

Yeah. Breekon asks to be got.

ALEX

Yeah, there is a mercy smite. You’re right. I can’t remember. We do grant Breekon that, don’t we?

JONNY

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ALEX

Yeah. So it’s four, then it’s five with Helen. So then you’re into five brackets six.

JONNY

No, I think it’s six brackets, because it’s Not!Sasha…

ALEX

Yep.

JONNY

Jude…

ALEX

Yep.

JONNY

Jared…

ALEX

Yep.

JONNY

Breekon…

ALEX

Yep.

JONNY

Helen.

ALEX

Yep.

JONNY

Oh, yeah, okay. So yeah, five brackets six. If we count Jonah.

ALEX

Five brackets six, then. Good catch on the, uh, Breekon one. And I’d have missed that.

JONNY

I almost did.

ALEX

Lock it in, then, five brackets six.

JONNY

Yeah, yeah, yeah, five brackets six.

CHIOMA

The answer is five – the Not!Them / Not!Sasha, Jude Perry, Jared Hopworth, Breekon, and Helen.

[ALEX GIVES A SIGH OF RELIEF]

ALEX

Yeah, getting answers wrong on Season 5 is a particularly egregious error.

(laughs) We kinda got to bat for a thousand right now.

CHIOMA

Which tea type does Martin hate?

JONNY

I want to say oolong.

ALEX

Yes.

JONNY

Or lapsang souchong.

ALEX

Oh, ha, ooh. I think it’d be oolong.

JONNY

I’m going to say oolong. It’s one of those details that, like, I threw in. It’s important, I think, that as a character point, Martin dislikes a particular type of tea.

CHIOMA

Absolutely correct. The answer is oolong.

Next question: The statement of Episode 189, Peers, includes the sound of three men in fine suits laughing. Which Rusty Quill member is the uncredited performer of said guffaws?

JONNY

(cheerily) Oh, I think I know this one! I think it’s Tim Meredith. This actually makes a lot of sense now because someone mentioned Tim Meredith getting an uncredited performance in Season 5.

And I was like, “What?! He did what?!”

ALEX

If it is, A, I did not allow it.

[JONNY LAUGHS]

And B, I know that Elizabeth would have put a request out, knowing that I forbade it anyway. So I think it might be… Tim Meredith, I think you’re right. (chuckling) And I think Elizabeth has some explaining to do.

JONNY

Let’s find out.

CHIOMA

Great guess! The answer is Tim Meredith.

[JONNY SOFTLY CHUCKLES AS ALEX ROARS]

ALEX

Ohhhh, someone’s in trouble now! This was meant to be a Tim-free zone. I can’t believe someone’s sneaked Tim into our glorious creation. It’s soured for me now. It’s like putting a bit of lime juice in milk – the whole lot’s going to slowly ruin.

[JONNY CONTINUES LAUGHING]

Blergh.

JONNY

You have given him a whole show.

[ALEX LAUGHS]

ALEX

I’m going to keep paying him to make stuff. But that’s not the point!

CHIOMA

The final question of Season 5: Who in a statement is described as “insecure, aggressive, and desperate to be taken seriously”?

JONNY

Oh.

ALEX

Ooh, I quite like that question. “Insecure, aggressive, and desperate to be taken seriously”…

JONNY

It’s going to be the Archivist, isn’t it?

ALEX

I think it is, yeah.

JONNY

Yeah. I forget who was giving a statement about –

ALEX

Rosie?

JONNY

Yes! I think it is.

ALEX

I think it’s Rosie’s Panopticon statement.

JONNY

I think it’s Rosie’s perception of the Archivist. Yeah, I think that’s it. Good work.

ALEX

Final answer.

CHIOMA

Terrific! The answer is, of course, the Archivist.

ALEX

Yeah! Good job! Good job! We’re doing respectably now.

JONNY

Alright, I was a bit worried.

CHIOMA

Just as an extra little treat, we’ve got a bonus round for you here.

ALEX

Okay.

JONNY

Bonus round!

ALEX

Okay, these are going to be tricky.

CHIOMA

What was the last in-studio recording date for Season 5? So, you know, cast your mind back to pre-COVID times.

JONNY

Urgh…

ALEX

Dates?!

JONNY

Yikes.

ALEX

I think it was you, Jonny.

JONNY

Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It was the Saturday before – Sasha’s birthday party was on the fourth; it was the Saturday before that.

So what was the Saturday before the 4th of March?

ALEX

I don’t know. I don’t know. February sometimes has different numbers of days, I know that.

JONNY

I don’t think it was a leap year. I’m going to roll the dice. That birthday party was on a Saturday, which we would have made Saturday the 4th of March, which means rolling that back… I’m going to say February the 25th.

To be fair, this question is just two old men being, like, “Now, so I think it was –”

ALEX

“It was a Tuesday!”

JONNY

“I think it was 1963.”

ALEX

“It was a Tuesday, because I always eat soup on a Tuesday. It could have been a stew, but if it was a stew, it might’ve been a Wednesday.”

JONNY

“I hadn’t gotten the Citroën” –

[ALEX LAUGHS]

– “but I was still working. I was still working at Broad Street, so” –

ALEX

(laughing) I just had a vision of us on a porch as irritating old men who refuse to listen to each other or anyone else. And won’t stop talking.

JONNY

I mean, that’s just us now.

ALEX

Yeah. But there’ll be a porch! That’s the dream.

CHIOMA

The answer is the 14th of March 2020.

JONNY

Really? There was one after the – I thought that the – No, fair enough.

ALEX

You’re talking to someone who deleted the entirety of production from my brain.

JONNY

Yeah.

CHIOMA

Which Magnus Archives cast or crew member struggles to listen to the show because it is too scary?

JONNY

I mean, a bunch of them, I think.

ALEX

Here’s the thing. I know it’s a bit of a thing with the fans that Bryn doesn’t listen.

JONNY

Oh, is it Alex?

ALEX

No, it’s not, cos I don’t get scared by horror. It will be Bryn, because Bryn makes a point of saying specifically he doesn’t listen because it’s too scary, as opposed to everyone else who says they don’t listen to it because we’re talentless hacks who are getting in the way of the real creatives. So I think it will be Bryn.

JONNY

That’s reasonable, uh, yeah.

CHIOMA

The correct answer is, and I cannot believe you forgot your producer, Lowri.

ALEX

Oh, that is a foolish question!

JONNY

Ohhhhh, that’ll be it. Sorry Lowri.

ALEX

Well, I maintain that Bryn also says it’s too scary! I query the question!

JONNY

Sorry, Lowri.

CHIOMA

Let’s move on, shall we? In Season 5, approximately how many individual SFX samples did Elizabeth use at least once?

ALEX

Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh…

JONNY

How many sound effect samples?

ALEX

This is going to be a very distressingly high figure.

JONNY

I am going to say 5,000.

ALEX

I’m having to think about order of magnitude, never mind how many.

So samples that she used at least once. We did reuse some assets. So that’s one of the tricks with audio drama is you can use a storm from a different one as a new storm in a different one if you add an extra element, but even then…

JONNY

I am going to say 5,000.

ALEX

I am going to say 3,851.

CHIOMA

Ooh! Wrong! The answer is roughly 1,355.

JONNY

Is that all?

ALEX

I am better!

JONNY

That’s amateur hour!

ALEX

Also. I feel like that might be conservative, but it might be that she’s talking only about new stuff that was introduced in Season 5. Maybe it’s because we reused more than, than previous.

JONNY

I mean, it’s a good start, Elizabeth. Call me when you’ve hit 5,000.

ALEX

You shut your mouth, Jonny! You have no idea!

JONNY

I know, I know, I know.

ALEX

Half the time she’s been running around with her recorder, trying to find sounds in a pandemic, just being like, “I can make this work! I can make this work!” Poor woman.

CHIOMA

Next question: Outside of Alex, which editor worked on the most episodes across all seasons?

JONNY

Which editor is inside of Alex?

[ALEX LAUGHS]

ALEX

This is actually surprisingly tricky question.

JONNY

I feel like I want to say Elizabeth.

ALEX

It could be Brock. Brock is the music editor who rarely gets paid attention, but the difference is, he’s done a lot, like a lot of edits. In terms of hours, it’ll be Elizabeth, but in terms of actual number of completed edits…

JONNY

I’m going to defer to you on this one, because obviously you understand all the production staff kind of blend together to me, you know…

ALEX

Urgh, Jonny!

JONNY

They’re just one amorphous blob that I, I gift my genius to. And they, uh, they’ve turned it into something acceptable, you know.

ALEX

It’s definitely between Elizabeth or Brock. I am going to say something controversial, and guess Brock by, like, one episode or something. But over the years, it’s very difficult to pin. I think it’s actually going to be Brock, but not by much.

JONNY

What’s Brock’s surname? You’ve just said Brock a lot.

ALEX

Oh, sorry. Brock Winstead.

JONNY

I’m going to say Elizabeth, because I trust in Elizabeth.

ALEX

Oh, now I’m the villain! Argh.

JONNY

Cos we’re, we’re besties.

ALEX

No, Brock. I’m going to say Brock. I’m gonna say Brock Winstead. I’m going to say Brock, but not by much.

CHIOMA

Point to you, Alex, the answer is Brock Winstead.

[ALEX IS OVERJOYED]

ALEX

Yes!

JONNY

Elizabeth, you let me down. I believed in you.

ALEX

Elizabeth has definitely spent the most amount of time working on the show, like categorically, but not raw numbers of credits.

JONNY

But not in such a way that earns me a point.

[ALEX LAUGHS]

CHIOMA

And the final question of this quiz: Who is the last character to drop the F-bomb on this show?

ALEX

Oh no, that’s surprisingly tricky.

JONNY

Hmmm.

ALEX

I think it’s Melanie where it’s like, “You just want to stab Elias.” She’s like, “If you think that, you can fuck off out my tunnels on your high horse.” I think that might be the final F-bomb.

JONNY

Yeah, I think that’s it. It’s definitely in 199, because 200, a swear would have lessened the impact.

ALEX

We said “bastard.”

JONNY

Well, no, but that’s deliberate that it wasn’t anything worse, because it’s a weirdly fine line to walk with swearing.

ALEX

I don’t believe there was any expletives throughout 200 –

JONNY

No.

ALEX

—- even if it was like, “Oh no!” as in, like, “Oh shit!” or whatever. I don’t think there was anything like that.

JONNY

I think it was Melanie, said fuck off out her tunnels.

ALEX

“Fuck off out my tunnels on your high horse.” Yeah, I think that’s it.

CHIOMA

That’s right! It’s Melanie in Episode 199. Brilliant!

ALEX

(triumphant) Aw, yes!

JONNY

I mean, that would it be embarrassing if we hadn’t? Cos it wasn’t that long ago we wrote and recorded it.

ALEX

Okay. So I realise that we were on the same team, but at the same time, I kind of want to know who won within our team. So…

JONNY

I want to know how much I beat you by.

ALEX

Ah, yeah, sure. Sure, sure.

JONNY

It’s important for the records.

ALEX

Who’s the MVP of this quote-“team.”

CHIOMA

Out of a possible 29 points, that’s 20 for Jonny and 22 for Alex. Not that it’s a competition at all. (laughs)

ALEX

YES!

JONNY

I don’t think that’s…

ALEX

Yes! I think, I think that is accurate.

JONNY

Think what you’ve got to remember, though, Alex is a dirty cheat.

ALEX

Jonny, it’s fine. I’m fine with us being credited as a team when I privately know there’s an extra couple of points kicking around there, and that’s okay. That’s okay, Jonny.

JONNY

You have to remember is that they’ve edited out all the additions – There were like ten more questions that I nailed –

ALEX

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

JONNY

They’ve edited it out because Alex threw a strop and they’ve gotta make him look good.

[ALEX LAUGHS]

That’s what happened.

ALEX

Control history. That’s, that’s the trick there, yeah.

No, I’d like to give a special thanks to, uh, Brock for being the secret sauce behind this, uh, not a win necessarily, that’s a strong word, but this triumph, this monumental achievement, I don’t know.

JONNY

I would say embarrassment for you. That you’re putting such store by a quiz that doesn’t even matter.

[ALEX CONTINUES TO LAUGH THROUGH JONNY’S RAMBLING]

Like it’s not – It’s fine. You know, this was just for fun, it was just a little bit, a little bit of post-season content that doesn’t, doesn’t matter.

ALEX

(struggling through laughter) And on that I think we should say bye.

Bye everyone!

JONNY

Anyway, I’ve got to go and do something else. Something that is important, and not just a waste of my time. So, you know, bye Alex.

CHIOMA

So, that’s it from me, I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode. Stay tuned as we have even more bonus episodes coming your way over the next few weeks.

Goodbye! And thanks for listening.